Bad Mommy

I feel like a horrible mommy today.
Last night Phat Daddy went back to work at 7:30 and I put Matt and I to bed.
We read stories. We cuddled and I let him sleep in my bed.
For some reason, lately I've hated being home alone at night. In the past it's never really bothered me if Phat Daddy goes out and I go to bed. (whether he's meeting friends or going to work). But, in the last little while it's made me really really nervous. It's not that I'm afraid of going into labour or anything. I just keep freaking out. I'm hearing weird noises. I am convinced someone is breaking into my house.
WHAT IS WITH THAT????
A few nights ago I made Phat Daddy come home because I was terrified.
Last night was worse. Doodle kept waking up and going to sleep. I kept waking up and going to sleep. I was cranky. I was uncomfortable. And I was tired. And for some reason Doodle woke up and started jumping on the bed.
I sat up and shouted at him.
I didn't mean to. And, honestly, if he hadn't landed on my arm my response wouldn't have been so intense. And then I called Phat Daddy to come home.
Poor Doodle felt so bad that he started sobbing. I felt horrible. I still feel horrible. I never yell like that. And he was tired. So was I. But it's not excuse.
The only way I could calm him down was hugging him and saying "I love you. I'm sorry" over and over.
He finally calmed down and Phat Daddy came home. Doodle thought he was in trouble and started crying again. It broke my heart. Phat Daddy calmed him down and we both fell asleep.
Ugh.
Bad mommy.
Luckily today is a snow day. Doodle's day care is closing (or is closed - who knows). Part of me is just glad to keep him home so I can snuggle and make up for last night.