Week One ... Done

I made it through my first week back at work.
I wasn't sure what to expect. It was nice to be back, to put on work clothes, to dress up and go back. It was great to see friends I missed.
By the end of the week, as I got back into the swing of things and got through some of the work I took on, I remembered the feeling I have at work - the feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day. It's so different from being at home, where my days are measured by my kids' schedules, where an accomplishment is getting Doodle to school without losing my temper, successfully introducing a new food to the Princess and keeping her on schedule. And, truly those are accomplishments.
It's a very different measure at work. My goal of today was to finish the press release, attend the meeting, figure out a numbering system. All of that is done.
And then I go home.
And start with the stuff at home: wiping noses, giving hugs, having family cuddles.
The balance isn't quite there yet. I'm exhausted when I get home. And I don't have as much patience. And, I'm unbelieveably jealous some moments of the time our nanny spends with the kids - even though she's amazing and jealousy is ridiculous.
And I'm weaning the baby. That's hard. I don't need a watch to tell me it's noon because my body tells me. I resist the urge to call home to make sure she's eaten. I know she has. And Phat Daddy gets home for lunch to make sure everything is okay.
So life goes on. And in time the feeling of imbalance will work itself out. I'll accept that my kids love me as Mommy and I can't be replaced. And, I'll get back on stride at work and not feel lost. And, maybe I'll even fit into some of my old work clothes again.
And tonight I'm cuddling with my kids and giving them extra kisses. And, I'll be grateful that I have a job and a family and that soon this will all make a whole lot more sense.

My last Week

This is my last week at home with my kids.
It's hard to believe.
It seems like yesterday that my little baby girl was born.
And I discovered the joys of dressing up a baby girl!
And, it seems like only yesterday that I was getting ready for my baby boy to have his first day of kindergarten. I couldn't imagine dropping him off at the elementary school and trusting that his teacher would take good care of him.
But, I survived that. And Doodle is flourishing and loving school. I know this because yesterday we visited his classroom and he has changed so much. He's happy and listens and sits still during circle time. AND HE'S LEARNING TO READ!

And, it was just last week that our nanny started with us. And, I had to remember that just like I've trusted it's okay to bring Doodle to school and to daycare and to leave him with my sister. And, just like I have trusted the people at church to care for my princess in the nursery. I have to trust that I've made the right decision to go back to work and leave my children with a nanny.

And, it's all okay.

My kids are happy. After a couple of days the baby has stopped crying when I leave. She's happy with this lovely woman who sings to her when she cries and seems to have endless patience. And Doodle? He's just decided that the nanny is part of our family. And, though I'll someday havImage via Wikipediae to explain she's not really ... I'm thrilled he loves her so much.

And, I'm trying to understand my role. I'm trying to remember that the role of Mommy doesn't change for me. Maybe I won't be here all day every day, but I am still the one they want at the end of the day. I'm still the one that gives family cuddles and can throw the rules out the window and declare a Spongebob and ice cream day! I'm still the one who gets up in the night to nurse the baby. And I'm still the one who loves these kids more than anyone could ever imagine, except Phat Daddy.


And, this week I'm trying to relax and enjoy my kids, and appreciate that I've found someone who loves my kids and takes amazing care of them. Of course I'll be sad to go back, but every day I'm feeling better and better about the choice we've made. And ... it also helps that I got a hair cut, some new clothes and shoes, and I'm missing my work friends a whole lot!

Now, what should I wear on my first day back to work?