Monday, June 1, 2009

Come Visit ...

Come visit me at my new place

It's still me. I'm just a little more focused on the stuff I love and a little less focused at the stresses of life.
I'll be closing this blog and my other one soon. And I'll be writing exclusively over there. It's not perfect yet, but we're getting there.
I'd love to see you over there.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

And we're Back - Our Disney experience

I can't believe that our week at Disney World is over. But, it was the most amazing trip ever.

We stayed at the Walt Disney World Resort's Polynesian Hotel. (also known as the "Poly") and it was this beautiful hotel on the monorail line. Actually, it was a group of longhouses (or mini hotel buildings) that at all had Hawaiian names - ours was Tokelau. At the centre of the complex is the Great Ceremonial House that houses the monorail station, gift shops and restaurants. So, it was pretty neat in that when you arrive you're at this tourist place, but when you leave there you are in paradise. It was absolutely wonderful.
There were 2 hotel pools - the quiet pool which we faced, and the volcano pool that had a huge slide. We loved it!
And of course there was the World itself.
After we arrived we had a swim and unpacked, and then we went to the Magic Kingdom. We decided to hit a couple of rides (Jungle Book!) and then head for dinner with Pooh and friends at the Crystal Palace.
Matt told us that he is far too old for Winnie the Pooh, but we explained that this trip was for him and Coco, and so some things would be more focused on her.
There wasn't much protest, and as it turned out, Matt loved visiting with the Pooh characters as much as the rest of us.
This was Coco first time seeing large characters since she was a tiny baby, and we weren't quite sure how she would do.
As you can see, she was just fine. In fact, she screamed and laughed every time that one of the characters came near. We realized that we have a Disney nut on our hands at the age of 1!
The downside of this dinner is that we realized from about 10 minutes in that as great as it is to meet the characters, neither child was on their best behaviour at the character/buffet meals. It was kind of funny because the restaurants we didn't initially book were the quieter ones where you stay in your seat the whole time.
After a couple of experiences at the quieter restaurants we soon learned that both kids needed the break from the Disney excitement.
So, we stuck with the restaurants with characters we *really* wanted to meet (like Cinderella), and then switched for non-buffets.
The irony? Our family's favourite meals ended up being at the restaurants we didn't expect either child would handle (think a swanky steakhouse at the Contemporary Hotel).
Over the next few days I'm going to tell you more about the trip. There's too much to tell you in one post!
But, for now, one of my favourite pictures!
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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

So Long, Farewell

I have a couple of hours to tie up loose ends at work.
And a birthday party for our nanny.
Of course there are a few odds and ends I need to put in our suitcases. And then we're off...

We'll be hanging out at this pool

And eating this

And hopefully many of these (dole whips)

Spending our evenings watching these

And, oh yeah, chilling with these guys in our spare time.
We'll try not to miss you too much.
Pray for our sanity while we're gone. Phat Daddy does crazy things like wear Mickey Mouse clothing, poses for photos and wears Mickey ears. Matt is allowed to be himself when we're there - his crazy, enthusiastic non-stop self. And he agrees to hang out with Princesses (for Coco's sake). I go completely insane, and let myself believe in magic, Princesses and all the fairy tales.
And Coco... well, this will be all new to her! We brought her at 3 months, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't remember it. So, I can't wait to see her reactions.
Just thinking about it all makes me cry.
I can't wait to dine with princesses, see Mickey, ride the monorail and stay at a fancy resort. But, mostly, I just can't wait to spend 7 days with my family. Just us!
Disney World HERE WE COME!!!!

Friday, April 24, 2009


When I decided I wanted to coordinate my kids' looks for Disney I was thinking I'd put them in matching clothes.
I did not expect them to coordinate head injuries so that they would both have giant purple bruises on their foreheads.

I also didn't anticipat spending an evening trying to remove a stone from Matt's head. (Phat Daddy finally got it out.
Fun times

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

After the Diagnosis - What I wish I could tell you

My son has ADHD. We’ve been to multiple doctors, psychologists and now a psychiatrist. This diagnosis is a culmination of about a year of seeking professional help, and 2 years of us saying there was “something” and being told that no, he’s a boy, etc etc.

I thought, stupidly, that once we had a diagnosis, once we could say to our family and to teachers and coaches that our son has “special needs” that people would understand and give him a break. But, instead, in some ways, it’s harder. And, I think part of it is that people aren’t quite sure what to do. So, here are my suggestions as someone going through all of this.

1) Be supportive Be there for us and understand that as wonderful as it is that we have an explanation, we’ve just been told that our child has a psychological issue that there is no cure for and that medication may or may not help.Right now I can’t get enough of the people who tell me “you’re doing a great job and you’re doing amazing things for your child – good for you.” I need to hear that right now because in a way I feel like I’ve somehow failed my child (even though I *know* I haven’t.)
2) Knowledge is power, so keep some knowledge to yourself. Information is fantastic. I appreciate that you are trying to help if you give me articles on ADHD. I get that. But. What I don’t need right now are articles that:
a. Tell me that ADHD is made up so that the drug companies can make more money. I know that people believe this, but articles like that do not help right now. We’ve spent 3 years searching for a diagnosis and have one.
b. Blame me as a parent. I understand tv may contribute to ADHD. I understand that my traumatic birth may have contributed to this. I understand that even having post-partum depression may have contributed. Seriously. I FEEL BAD ENOUGH. No need to reinforce it. Also, I've probably read it.
c. Googled - with no source. If it’s an article that you pulled up by typing ADHD into google – I’ve probably already read it. I’ve been researching this for years. I’ve read the books, articles & briefs and listened to the podcasts. Also, I’ve spoken with the doctors. If you have an article claiming something "cured" ADHD. Probably not accurate.
d. If you really have to share the article with me that’s fine. But be discreet. Don’t hand me an article saying I caused my kid’s ADHD and then expect me to discuss it. This is an emotional issue for me.
3) Ask us what method we’re using and if there’s any way you can educate yourself I am so happy to share the method we are using. For us the book that is our Bible is “The Explosive Child” by Stuart Ablon. The method in this book is fantastic. It literally changed by life as a parent because for the first time I understood my child. When I researched psychologists for my son I called his office and asked for a recommendation. Our school believes in his method and they use it with our son because it is what works for him. The basic premise is that kids do well if they can. This book is amazing and I’m grateful I discovered it. I’m happy to lend my copy to people who want to read it. But, please, be on the same page as me. Understand why there are rules that I don’t enforce. Understand why I don’t believe in time-outs and I try very hard not to get angry. It’s a couple hours of your time to understand the situation. Please, take the time.
4) Opinions are okay, but tread lightly I know medication is a complicated issue. As is naturopathic medicine. As in any approach you take to a problem. I’m not opposed to hearing another side. But, it needs to be done gently.Think about what you’re going to say and if it’s really necessary. And remember that as parents we are doing out best. Please don’t assume that we aren’t agonizing over every decision. I don’t want my child on meds either. I know the dangers of Ritalin. I’m getting 2nd and 3rd opinions from medical professionals before I do anything here. So please, don’t talk to one person who knows someone who was once on medication and had a problem – and then relay it to me like it’s something I don’t know.Ask yourself – do you really think I would put my kid on drugs for his brain without thinking it through? NO.
5) Want to help? Here’s how The biggest help right now is to treat my kid like he’s normal. In fact, treat him like the super incredible amazing kid that he is. Of course there are areas he’s not successful. He can’t sit at a fancy restaurant for an hour and behave. He will have a meltdown, everyone will get angry, and he will feel like he failed you.LET HIM BE SUCCESSFUL. Take him to the playground and let him show you how he’s mastered sliding down the fireman’s pole. Let him take you for a walk. Have him tell you a story. Let him show you his drawings or how he prints his name. Ask him about Star Wars or about animals. Play with him, at his level.Want to eat with us? How about asking if he’ll help you bake cookies. And let him do stuff like crack the eggs (instead of worrying about the mess), mix the flour and have “taste tests”. Your reward will be some giant hugs and a kid who feels loved. And when you’ve done all those things, tell him what an amazing kid he is, and then come and tell me. Please. Because I love my child more than life itself, and I am so proud of him. And, I need to know that what I see in him, is what you see in him.

Friday, April 17, 2009

I DO NOT Want my own business

To be clear, I'm not knocking anyone who has their own business (i.e. p*mpered chef, etc). But, when I say I'm not interested, and don't want to be updated on business opportunities, I mean it.
Of course I will attend parties. I love some of the products I have and happily support my friends who sell it. But, I am a firm believer in the fact that when I say I'm happy with my career and don't want a side business I mean it. And if I tell you that over and over, seriously, move on.

So, today I received an e-mail. From a "friend" who has spent the last 2 years contacting me only in the hopes of making me a consultant. It's gotten more and more tacky and insulting. We used to get together as friends. Now if we want to hang out it is only at one of her many parties or open houses (to sell product). When Coco was born I got an e-mail saying congratulations and now would be the time to sell candles. Really?

But today was the icing on the cake when I received this e-mail: (edited by me)


I know you had some interest in the (Insert Company
Name) Opportunity, this month there is an extra $100 in product up for
grabs to add to the already amazing $500 starter kit that you can earn for

Click here for more details.

Let me knwo
if you would like more information about the business

Also there is an opportunity to see (Insert
Company Name) office on Date at 7p.m. at our Regional Meeting where
you can also hear more about the opportunity, if you would like to join us and
receive a free gift for coming out let me know.


So I responded.

Thanks so much for the business opportunities you've been presenting me
At this point, I'm actually focused on pursuing my career in
communications. I was just promoted to the position of XXX!

I've been taking advantage of some amazing challenges and opportunities
through my career here at (My Company). It's great because, like you, as I've
progressed in my chosen position, I've been able to take advantage of some great
work-related programs

Actually, because I'm so excited by some of the great stuff that has been
going on here at (MY Company), I wanted to direct you to the
career opportunities (I put a link) here. There may be something
you would find exciting.

Again, thanks for thinking of me. If you are ever interested in
our careers (inserted another link) let me know!

You know, at this I'm done. I've said my bit and maybe she'll get my point. I think friendships are important, but when you hit the point where all you are is a bunch of dollar signs to someone I don't think the friendship is worth it. Do you?

Friday, April 10, 2009

Her First Walking Shoe

Coco is walking.
Or running.
And, though she has many adorable shoes, I went out and bought her proper walking shoes so that we can conquer Disney (in 20 days!) . I wanted something cute but functional.
I went in not planning to buy these shoes since they are pricey.
But, after trying on pretty much every other pair the store offered we tried these on - and they fit perfectly!
It turns out that Coco has a wide foot that is also long.
Just like her mom.
And, how could I resist the pink ones with the giant rhinestone?
I actually went to the women's shoe store to find good shoes for me.
I was being practical and asked for all the features of a shoe I needed for disney.

My selection. Not quite as cute. And, admittedly I did ask the woman (who was a shoe expert and knew the geox line) if they had anything like Coco's.
Not really.
And, as she pointed out, a pik rhinestone on a baby shoe is far cute than a giant pink rhinestone on an adult shoe.

And, hey. There's always the bedazzler I store in my closet. But, I'm thinking that perhaps I should leave it there and accept that women who are 30 should not bedazzle their shoes.

Sunday, April 5, 2009


Today my son turns five. Five!
How did that happen? Seriously. Five.
I know how my niece is feeling! It's shocking.

And what a year this past one has been.
Matt (who has told me not to call him Doodle, so okay) became a big brother just before he turned 4. And, to see him as a big brother warms my heart. He's kind and he's loving. And, he is protective. I can't tell you the number of times he's caught her from putting stuff in her mouth, has helped her get up when trying to stand.

This year we learned a lot about Matt and his brain.
We learned he is smart. So so smart. He started jk and despite a bit of a rocky start he has flourished. We've discovered that he loves math and science. He absolutely loves to learn about anatomy.
We started to realize that when he was obsessed with the model of a brain at his daycare.
But this fascination with all things anatomy continued. He loves skeletons. That was his halloween costume. He reads body books whenever we go to the library, and has been known to sit and flip through various books about bones when we ask him to read quietly. In fact, when we go to our naturpath he always asks to read her "body book" which is a pictoral representation of the body's different system. It's amazing to me.
This flows nicely into school. In a meeting the other day his teacher told us that February was "love month" and they didn't do any science. And, he missed his science.
I don't know where this came from. Not me. I think my 5 year old knows more about biology than I do.

Matt is starting to read. He's starting to print. He's doing math. It all amazes me!

And, then there are the other things he tries. He's done karate, swimming & gymnastics. They aren't all a hit, but he's tried them. And that makes me proud. He's been asking about violin lessons lately. So we may give that a try.

All in all, it's been a year. Being home with Matt, watching him grow as a person, a brother, my child and my friend ... it's been amazing. I can't wait to see what this year holds for him.

Happy Birthday!

Monday, March 30, 2009

A Birthday Weekend

This weekend was Coco's 1st birthday. Specifically her birthday was on Saturday, but the celebrations started on Friday night when my sister hosted an amazing party!

I really wanted to do something special for Coco without tons and tons of people. And, since Coco and her uncle have birthdays that fall one day apart we celebrated both.

On Saturday we had some family time. we got ready for the open house first birthday and we spent some time at the garden store, which surprisingly both kids loved.
We ended up planting some flowers and getting our house looking spring like. We haven't started planting our garden yet, but we
did get our house in better shape, and I went a little crazy with Easter Eggs.

But, of course the important part was our birthday girl. Can you believe she is 1 already? I can't.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

My Birthday Girl is 1

My little girl turns one today. I can't believe that one year ago today she was born. This has been a quick, wonderful and overwhelming year.

Happy Birthday, Coco!

And ... she's on the move. She's now officially walking. I can't believe how quickly this year has flown by.

Happy Birthday, Little One!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Swimming Lessons ... the fun

Doodle has weekly swimming lessons.
To say they are the bane of my existence is an understatement. I hate them. I hate the other mothers there who are rude and whisper about him when I am sitting right there.
I hate that no matter how hard he tries Doodle can't behave in the class. It's just TOO EXCITING to be in the pool bouncing around with other kids and it's really hard for him to behave.
Is he bad? No. But he's not angelic. So, I sit on the pool deck, and if his behaviour gets out of control I step in and deal with it. It works for me. It works for Doodle. It works for the teacher. The other parents not so much.
I hate that other parents think it's okay for their kids to throw buckets of water at the teacher, but criticize my kid for spitting.
I hate that another mother called my son a brat, and implied I wasn't watching him, doing my job, when in fact I was. I do.
Part of me is angry because it's unfair that my son struggles with something (behaviour) that other parents feel they can critique when I would never do the same to their kid. It makes me sad that they are so busy seeing what's wrong with my kid that they don't notice he's being kind to their kid, and in fact their kid wants to play with mine.
So much of the time I appreciate the kind things people say and do.
The fact that there's someone at our church, many people in fact, but one in particular, whom Doodle loves and listens to is incredible.
The fact that the other moms at school welcome me to stay at their kids' birthday parties so that I can take over if he gets too excited.
The fact that Doodle's teacher, and school resource team, do their very best to make sure Doodle thrives and fits in overwhelms me.
The fact that Doodle's doctor, naturopath & psychologist all have figured out ways to treat him while keeping him entertained, is incredible.
And, most of the time that's what I dwell on. We're so incredibly lucky to have family, friends, doctors and teachers who see the best in Doodle, who remind me that he is an amazing kid, and assure me that when we figure out how to help with with a few things he'll be even more amazing.
Most of the time that's what I remember.
But then there are days when all that positivity is shot down, by a mom who thinks my kid is a brat, who thinks that her kid is superior because he what? can handle a swimming lesson?
Those moms? I hate them.
I am not about to go announcing the fact that my kid has ADHD. It shouldn't matter to other parents.
And, I'm not for one second going to apologize for my child.
If he hits someone or is mean, then yes, I expect that he apologizes. But, I'm not going to apologize because he needs more attention, struggles to behave or, god forbid, tries to get a turn ahead of your kid. Who cares if he is first in line to swim with the teacher?
Quite honestly, I'm glad he's like that. He knows what he wants and so does everyone. I could take a lesson from him on assertiveness.
But, before you tell me how to discipline my kid, teach your own kid that if he grabs something out of another kid's hands there may be a reaction.
Case in point, last night when a little girl asked for a toy from Doodle he handed it over. When a boy grabbed a toy out of Doodle's hand he grabbed it back.
Why should I be critiqued? And, also. This is childhood. Stand back and let them solve the problem. If there's no danger involved, who cares in the end which one gets the toy? I don't.
And, you know what? When my child has a temper tantrum because swimming lessons are over, dirty looks shot at me are not effective. He's 4. I'm doing my best. And whether or not there is a reason for these temper tantrums, they happen. Here's a secret. The best way to stop a tantrum is not to get angry and frustrated. It's to stay calm and deal with it. That's what I do. Or at least that's what I try to do. So, if I'm showing empathy to my kid who still wants to be swimming that's my business. Not yours.
Sometimes parenting sucks. Apparently for me it sucks the most at swimming lessons.
I am so dreading next Wednesday night.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

It's the Little Things

Lately I've been discovering that it's the little things that make life so much easier. Here's my most recent list.

1) A programmable coffee maker.
It sounds so simple, but really, who knew that setting everything up the night before and simply programming the coffee to brew at 5:45 would make my mornings so pleasant?
Why did I not figure this out till I was 30? Why?

2) Setting my clothes out ahead of time
I've always felt like putting my day's clothes out the night before was kind of pointless.
I had this idea that it would make me less spontaneous in the morning.
With 2 kids it seems that mornings are crazy and my routine of planning my outfits the night before has made for a lot less stress in the morning.
Unless, of course, I don't like how I look and then there is stress. But, whatever. Not as much stress.

3)Shopping at stores that have cup holders in the cart
Who knew such a wonderful invention existed?
The Longos near my house has a Starbucks in it, and also has these carts with cup holders.
And they have organics.
And a huge produce section.
And my kids like shopping there.
Bonus that Home Depot is practically next door.
I had no idea that grocery shopping could be relaxing if you have a tall soy latte and happy children.
And since we've been doing "full" grocery shops on a weekly basis (admittedly not always at Longos) we have been going out for dinner a lot less.

4) Baby Legs - They are these things that are like leg warmers.
My sister passed a pair down to me and I LOVE them (as does our nanny). They are super adorable on Chloe. She wears a ton of skirts and dresses, but tights are annoying because a)the feet are slippery and b) they are annoying for diaper changes. These are soooo easy. And cute. I must buy some more.

I could go on. There are the window markers that Doodle loves to use in the van. And, the hair product that straightens my hair. But, that's another post for another day!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Stupid Parenting

I try to be a good parent.
I'm not perfect, but I do try my best.
So, tonight when we decided to go to Bad Boy to look at appliances we made a big deal of it so that Doodle would be excited to go.
It went well for quite awhile.
He sat in comfy couches and watched the Matrix while Mike, Coco and I looked at washers and dryers.
For close to an hour we had a really easy visit.
And then it came time to figure out the financial stuff. I was fully involved in the negotiating process. And then we debated. And debated some more and made a decision.
Voila ...

Nice, eh?
Once we got through negotiation we had to figure out paying and delivery and about a million other things that should have take 5 minutes but took 45.
So, in my attempt to be a good parent, especially since it was approaching bedtime, I entertained my kids. Somehow that turned into playing hide and go seek with my 4 year old.
It was fun till I lost him.
He was hidden, thank God, in a bedroom set. I walked past the set 5 times, but did not see him.
It took Mike and I, 5 staff members and some freaking out to discover him.
What was I thinking? Seriously.
We were having fun. Until I lost my kid. And ran around the store panicking.
And that was my stupid parenting decision of the night.
Who found him? A sales associate who totally guessed where he would hide. Smart guy.
We left moments after and decided to watch a video in the van while Phat Daddy finished the transaction.

Monday, March 16, 2009

One Year

It's been one year since I went on mat leave. And, in 2 weeks our princess will turn one.
And, she has a nickname!
Somewhere between our nanny arriving and me going back to work, we started calling the baby CoCo.
Phat Daddy hates it.
I love it.
Even funnier is that it sometimes gets turned into "Coco Koala" (I don't know why) and "Coco Puff".
And, the best part is that people truly believe that is her name! I love it. In the past couple of weeks she's really changed. First she learned to dance. She's attempting to walk and is taking steps and stands on her own.
And she blows kisses. We made a movie last night and I will figure out how to post it. It's pretty cute.
And Doodle? He's moving right along.
I haven't talked much about his diagnosis. We needed some time to let the whole idea settle and to think about it and to talk to people about it.
Where we're at?
Of course we have spoken to our family doctor. She's referred us to a pediatrician who specialized in ADHD. I'm not sure I need a second opinion on the diagnosis, but I do want a more fulsome explanation of the medication.
And we also went to see our naturopath.
We decided to put Doodle on a stronger regimen of homeopathic remedies and see how does. So, we're trying it. We started on Saturday, and you generally need a couple of days for remedies to kick in.
It's hard to see if there has been a difference. It's good to start a regimen on a weekend because you can see if there are any adverse reactions. But, for me it's hard to see if there's a difference, really, in his activity level. Seriously, it was beautiful weather and my child who has been cooped up all winter was allowed to go crazy and play outside! How do you guage hyperactivity? I was going just as crazy as Doodle and even Coco was extra excited.
So, we'll wait and see.
This week is a funny week anyway. There are no evening activities because of March break, and since the weather is nice he'll get a lot more fresh air.
But, I'm remaining hopeful.

And, seriously ... i'm loving this weather!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Poof Butt & Pricetag

My son has never had a comfort item.
Well, there's the soother. Don't get me started on that one.
But, he's never had a stuffed animal that he's truly attached to. He's had toys he loved, but no real object we can't live without.
I had Paddington bear.
My sister had her yellow blanket.
But Doodle, nothing.
Until we had our princess. And she got some stuffed animals.
Two of them were little stuffed dogs. And, a few months ago Doodle discovered them.
I asked him their names and he said "Poof Butt" and "Price tag" - I don't know why.
But, in the past few months he's become totally attached to these dogs. They go everywhere. He sleeps with them at night. He brings them to school for quiet time. When we go out he brings them up to the baby's crib and makes sure they are comfortable and sleeping.
But the names????
It kills me every.single.time he tells people their names.
"What? Poof what?"
I have no idea how long this obsession will last. But, I like it!

Friday, February 27, 2009


Yesterday Phat Daddy and I met with Doodle's psychologist to get his diagnosis.
Unsurprisingly, it's ADHD - combined.
There was good news and there was bad news. The good news is that Doodle is smart - very smart. In all of the testing he did he scored really well - like 91st percentile and up. The only thing he was behind in was hand coordination (writing/drawing), but he was fairly typical, so not lagging behind.
Where the problem lies is with, as the diagnosis would suggest, hyperactivity and lack of focus/attention.
The long and short of it is that the psychologist is recommending medication.
We haven't decided.
When I asked him on a scale of 1-10 how bad Doodle's ADHD is, he said it was about a 7. That surprised me. I thought we'd be talking a 3. Although it is a random scale.
We're not talking Ritalin. There are other options and ideas to look into.
The major reason I would consider the medication is because of Doodle's lack of self control. He has so many moments DAILY where he does something and then wishes he hadn't. Or can't understand why he did.
And the medication would apparently help with that.
As he gets older I worry that he will hurt himself. For that reason I'd consider it.
So, we're at the point where we need to weigh all the options. Think about what we think is best for our child. And hope that we make the right decision.
But, really, at the end of the day, it freaks me out that we're debating giving our child medication for his brain that he could be on for the rest of his life. It scares me.
But, it also makes me feel like maybe the fact that I'm frustrated with him a lot means that I'm not a bad parent.
So, what's next? Well, thankfully we love Doodle's doctors. So, I called both his GP and Naturopath. Our GP, knowing my discomfort with medication, said I can meet with her or she can refer me to a pediatrician or both. We're going to see our naturopath to discuss options.
But, before all of that ....
We're getting a good night's sleep. Or maybe not. I promised Doodle a sleepover in his bedroom tonight. Well, at least Phat Daddy will get a good night's sleep!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009


Yesterday was not without incident at the dentist.
I did my best to prepare Doodle for what was to come. We discussed "sleeping" at the dentist and talked about his fears. We met with the child life specialists and Doodle so they could show him the mask and discuss his fears. We brought his stuffed animals (Poof-butt and Pricetag) to keep him comfortable. We did our best.
And, when we brought him into the room where they had the machine and performed the fillings he was pretty excited. He hopped up on the chair, grabbed the mask and was ready to go.
The excitement over the mask lasted about 10 seconds. And then he FREAKED.
I don't blame him, but still. It was a major freak-out and we had to hold him down. He was screaming and the child life specialists were telling me it was okay just as much as they were telling him it was okay. And I stood there.
And then we had to hold him down because at that point there was no turning back. And, I knew he fell asleep watching me hold him down and being scared. And that hour or so he was under sucked.
Then came waking up.
That also sucked. When he woke up he was angry and scared and writhed and kicked and screamed. And as soon as he was awake enough to speak he shouted at me and asked me why I didn't help him when he wanted to take the mask off.
I didn't have an answer. There's no logic, anyway, at that point. He just wanted to be angry.
So, he spent most of the morning being angry. We eventually left. The only way I could calm him down enough to go was to have the child life specialist help us by giving us a mask that he ceremoniously slammed into the garbage. (they sterilize them). It helped.
And then he spent the rest of the drive home being angry.
I felt horrible.
The good news is that his teeth are all filled. The bad news ... I'm not sure he really will willingly go back to the dentist again.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Getting Through the Week

This week in Doodle's life is a big one.
Today we're going to the dentist to get 4 teeth filled and a full cleaning - under anaesthsia. He's excited. I'm scared.
Thursday we go back and meet with his child psychologist to get a full report. We've spent the past several months going through an assessment process. When we first started thsi process his doctor helped us through some basic assessment tests and there were signs he may have ADHD. But, several months later we finally are getting a full report from the psychologist who has been assessing him.
And, once we get that report we start working on behavioural techniques to "help him be the best kid he can be."
I sort of feel like we're at the tip of the iceberg here.
And, we just need to make it through the week.
But, as for Doodle ... He seems unphased.
He's excited about going to the dentist today.
And, he wants to know how he can behave better. Seriously, he often asks me if he can get his brain to work better so he knows how to behave.
And, as parents we're trying to get everything working.
Wish us luck!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Hanging On

I know it has been forever since i posted.
I've thought about it and meant too, but I've just been so busy.
Work is good. I'm back in the routine and, dare I say it, enjoying it. Some stuff has changed, but I'm busy and happy and laughing a lot. And, it's nice to wear heels and nice clothes and worry about makeup. I love that stuff.
I miss my kids during the day, but I'm more excited when I get home. And, I don't miss the battles to get Doodle out the door to school. I do miss saying hi to his teacher and the other moms.
And, I'm excited that tomorrow is Valentine's. I get to go on a date with my sweetie. Our amazing nanny offered to watch the kids, even though it's Saturday and her day off. We said maybe, but when she offered 2 more times we decided that she was okay with it. We're going to a restaurant I've been dying to go to. It's a restaurant that used to be a dive, but has been made over into a pretty swanky place.
So, I plan to abandon my diet (to a point) and just enjoy the evening. I'm definitely going for something extravagantly chocolaty for dessert! Yum.
Otherwise things are going well. Maybe it's the change in the weather but everyone has been in better moods. I'm still following my diet program, and I've even started going back to the gym a bit.
And, the kids ...
The baby just got her 8th tooth. Seriously. She's 10.5 months and has 8 teeth. It's insane. I went out and bought her a special teething toy (Sophie the Giraffe) since she's been biting us. The biting has stopped so we're happy.
And Doodle? He has a girlfriend.
More on that later.

Happy Valentine's!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Week One ... Done

I made it through my first week back at work.
I wasn't sure what to expect. It was nice to be back, to put on work clothes, to dress up and go back. It was great to see friends I missed.
By the end of the week, as I got back into the swing of things and got through some of the work I took on, I remembered the feeling I have at work - the feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day. It's so different from being at home, where my days are measured by my kids' schedules, where an accomplishment is getting Doodle to school without losing my temper, successfully introducing a new food to the Princess and keeping her on schedule. And, truly those are accomplishments.
It's a very different measure at work. My goal of today was to finish the press release, attend the meeting, figure out a numbering system. All of that is done.
And then I go home.
And start with the stuff at home: wiping noses, giving hugs, having family cuddles.
The balance isn't quite there yet. I'm exhausted when I get home. And I don't have as much patience. And, I'm unbelieveably jealous some moments of the time our nanny spends with the kids - even though she's amazing and jealousy is ridiculous.
And I'm weaning the baby. That's hard. I don't need a watch to tell me it's noon because my body tells me. I resist the urge to call home to make sure she's eaten. I know she has. And Phat Daddy gets home for lunch to make sure everything is okay.
So life goes on. And in time the feeling of imbalance will work itself out. I'll accept that my kids love me as Mommy and I can't be replaced. And, I'll get back on stride at work and not feel lost. And, maybe I'll even fit into some of my old work clothes again.
And tonight I'm cuddling with my kids and giving them extra kisses. And, I'll be grateful that I have a job and a family and that soon this will all make a whole lot more sense.
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Wednesday, January 28, 2009

My last Week

This is my last week at home with my kids.
It's hard to believe.
It seems like yesterday that my little baby girl was born.
And I discovered the joys of dressing up a baby girl!
And, it seems like only yesterday that I was getting ready for my baby boy to have his first day of kindergarten. I couldn't imagine dropping him off at the elementary school and trusting that his teacher would take good care of him.
But, I survived that. And Doodle is flourishing and loving school. I know this because yesterday we visited his classroom and he has changed so much. He's happy and listens and sits still during circle time. AND HE'S LEARNING TO READ!

And, it was just last week that our nanny started with us. And, I had to remember that just like I've trusted it's okay to bring Doodle to school and to daycare and to leave him with my sister. And, just like I have trusted the people at church to care for my princess in the nursery. I have to trust that I've made the right decision to go back to work and leave my children with a nanny.

And, it's all okay.

My kids are happy. After a couple of days the baby has stopped crying when I leave. She's happy with this lovely woman who sings to her when she cries and seems to have endless patience. And Doodle? He's just decided that the nanny is part of our family. And, though I'll someday havSpongeBob SquarePants (character)Image via Wikipediae to explain she's not really ... I'm thrilled he loves her so much.

And, I'm trying to understand my role. I'm trying to remember that the role of Mommy doesn't change for me. Maybe I won't be here all day every day, but I am still the one they want at the end of the day. I'm still the one that gives family cuddles and can throw the rules out the window and declare a Spongebob and ice cream day! I'm still the one who gets up in the night to nurse the baby. And I'm still the one who loves these kids more than anyone could ever imagine, except Phat Daddy.

And, this week I'm trying to relax and enjoy my kids, and appreciate that I've found someone who loves my kids and takes amazing care of them. Of course I'll be sad to go back, but every day I'm feeling better and better about the choice we've made. And ... it also helps that I got a hair cut, some new clothes and shoes, and I'm missing my work friends a whole lot!

Now, what should I wear on my first day back to work?
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Friday, January 23, 2009

On the Up Swing

Our nanny has been here all week now.
The fears I had and then uncertainty that I was feeling are finally going away. Our nanny is amazing, and the children love her.
Everyday has gotten progressively better. The princess is beginning to understand what is going on. She's warmed up to our nanny, and by yesterday she was willingly going to her when I left the house.
The one thing that we are learning, though, is that it is far too confusing for her (right now) to play with the nanny while she knows I'm right there. For instance, if I want to cook and ask our nanny to play with the kids, the baby will sob because she knows I'm right there. It makes it a little difficult for us to do some stuff, but I don't see it as a huge issue. I've been going out more, and leaving her. And, she seems quite happy both when I leave and when I return.
I have to admit that having our contractor still working on the basement is making things a little easier. He has been telling me how things are going and reassuring me that she is very kind with the kids.
And, as for Doodle? He loves her. I was quite worried about him, but it wasn't necessary. He thinks the nanny is his new best friend, and has told me more than once that I can go back to work now.
I'm not taking that personally. I'm thrilled that he's ready for that. It makes me feel that as a mom I've done my job preparing him for me going back to work. And, I'm thrilled that we have found someone who seems to truly love my children.

And ... on a completely different note. I'm still doing really well on the diet plan from my naturopath. I got a bunch of blood tests back and learned a lot about what is going on with my body. The good news is that there's nothing wrong with me. Structure of the coenzyme adenosine triphospha...Image via WikipediaThe bad news is that my metabolism is really slow and my hormones are out of whack. But, it seems like a lot of the changes I've made are working. I've lost 9 lbs since New Years! And, I don't really feel like I'm on a diet. I'm enjoying food and not craving sugar. So, life is good!
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Monday, January 19, 2009


It's our first day with our new nanny.
To say everything right now is overwhelming is kind of an understatement. Doodle loves our nanny. He can't get enough of her. The baby ... not so much.
The baby wants me. I want to go and comfort her, and I can't. I mean, I can, but the truth is that I need to let her know our nanny is her friend. And I know it will all work out. But right now it's hard. It sucks to have the baby monitor on and listen and not go in and help.
But, it could be worse.
It could be worse because I could be going to work tomorrow - not next week.
I could be leaving my kids with somoene I don't like.
I could be putting them in a daycare when I'm not ready. Yes. This is good. But, it's also hard.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

In Which I Jinx Myself

I'm kind of afraid to write this for fear of the jinx.
But ...
This new diet I'm on (thanks to my naturopath) is AMAZING. I'm basically following the Blood Type Diet. And taking some supplements. And, it's working. I'm beginning to lose weight.I know because my wii fit told me.
But, not only that. I'm feeling wonderful.
Usually I'm asleep by 10. Lately I've been up till 11 and then go to bed because it's time, not because I'm exhausted.
And, I feel well. Like, healthy and happy and ready to go. Not sluggish.
Oh - and I've lost a couple pounds.
I've cut out a lot. Basically my food does not include: wheat, dairy, pork or corn. I know this sounds excessive, but I'm totally dealing with it. And, enjoying it.
Love love love.

Friday, January 9, 2009

And the New Year Begins

Miis as depicted in Wii Fit.Image via WikipediaI don't make a lot of New Year's Resolutions.
I used to do Weight Watchers and it drove me crazy when the room swelled because of the "resolution people" who dropped out in a couple of weeks.
So I vowed I would not be one of those people.
But, with all of the hoopla about diets, and the wii fit that we brought into our house (which weighs me all the time) weight had been on my mind. So, when I got an e-mail from my naturopath (she moved offices) that mentioned she works with people who need to lose weight ... I decided to book an appointment.
Here's the thing. I love my naturopath, but I never go for myself. I always go for my kids. I LOVE the results I've seen in my kids, but I just didn't think to go for me.
So, yesterday I went.
It was such a pleasant and uplifting visit.
In fact, weight wasn't even the main thing we spoke about. We spoke about my general health, and she kindly pointed out that I need to be working on my own health, and giving myself the same wonderful supplements I give my kids.
And we spoke at length about nannies, returning to work, and stress and anxiety. I can't tell you how much it put my mind at ease to discuss the medical side of the anxiety I was feeling and my kids are feeling.
And finally we got to the topic of weight.
As a result? I was worried that she'd say I was morbidly obese (I'm not). I was afraid she'd make me give up coffee (I can still drink it - but I have to cut back). I was afraid I would have to drastically change my diet. Okay.I do. But ...
I admitted that my willpower sucks especially when it comes to stuff like sugar and bread. For the first time ever she told me it's NOT a willpower issue. Apparently I have something that makes me more prone to craving sugar. Seriously. For the first time ever someone, a doctor, told me that I don't struggle with my weight because I can't control myself, but that it's actually a vitamin deficiency.
So, there's no diet plan, per se. There's no list of foods I can't eat. There's no point counting or calorie reading or any of that.
Instead I've been instructed on what I MUST eat. I'm taking protein shakes and eating a bunch of stuff I truly enjoy. I'm cutting out a bunch of stuff that I already know make my body not work. And, we're seeing how that all works for me.
Wish me luck. I'm looking forward to all of this!
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