Wednesday, April 29, 2009
And a birthday party for our nanny.
Of course there are a few odds and ends I need to put in our suitcases. And then we're off...
We'll be hanging out at this pool
And eating this
And hopefully many of these (dole whips)
Spending our evenings watching these
And, oh yeah, chilling with these guys in our spare time.
We'll try not to miss you too much.
Pray for our sanity while we're gone. Phat Daddy does crazy things like wear Mickey Mouse clothing, poses for photos and wears Mickey ears. Matt is allowed to be himself when we're there - his crazy, enthusiastic non-stop self. And he agrees to hang out with Princesses (for Coco's sake). I go completely insane, and let myself believe in magic, Princesses and all the fairy tales.
And Coco... well, this will be all new to her! We brought her at 3 months, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't remember it. So, I can't wait to see her reactions.
Just thinking about it all makes me cry.
I can't wait to dine with princesses, see Mickey, ride the monorail and stay at a fancy resort. But, mostly, I just can't wait to spend 7 days with my family. Just us!
Disney World HERE WE COME!!!!
Friday, April 24, 2009
I did not expect them to coordinate head injuries so that they would both have giant purple bruises on their foreheads.
I also didn't anticipat spending an evening trying to remove a stone from Matt's head. (Phat Daddy finally got it out.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
I thought, stupidly, that once we had a diagnosis, once we could say to our family and to teachers and coaches that our son has “special needs” that people would understand and give him a break. But, instead, in some ways, it’s harder. And, I think part of it is that people aren’t quite sure what to do. So, here are my suggestions as someone going through all of this.
1) Be supportive Be there for us and understand that as wonderful as it is that we have an explanation, we’ve just been told that our child has a psychological issue that there is no cure for and that medication may or may not help.Right now I can’t get enough of the people who tell me “you’re doing a great job and you’re doing amazing things for your child – good for you.” I need to hear that right now because in a way I feel like I’ve somehow failed my child (even though I *know* I haven’t.)
2) Knowledge is power, so keep some knowledge to yourself. Information is fantastic. I appreciate that you are trying to help if you give me articles on ADHD. I get that. But. What I don’t need right now are articles that:
a. Tell me that ADHD is made up so that the drug companies can make more money. I know that people believe this, but articles like that do not help right now. We’ve spent 3 years searching for a diagnosis and have one.
b. Blame me as a parent. I understand tv may contribute to ADHD. I understand that my traumatic birth may have contributed to this. I understand that even having post-partum depression may have contributed. Seriously. I FEEL BAD ENOUGH. No need to reinforce it. Also, I've probably read it.
c. Googled - with no source. If it’s an article that you pulled up by typing ADHD into google – I’ve probably already read it. I’ve been researching this for years. I’ve read the books, articles & briefs and listened to the podcasts. Also, I’ve spoken with the doctors. If you have an article claiming something "cured" ADHD. Probably not accurate.
d. If you really have to share the article with me that’s fine. But be discreet. Don’t hand me an article saying I caused my kid’s ADHD and then expect me to discuss it. This is an emotional issue for me.
3) Ask us what method we’re using and if there’s any way you can educate yourself I am so happy to share the method we are using. For us the book that is our Bible is “The Explosive Child” by Stuart Ablon. The method in this book is fantastic. It literally changed by life as a parent because for the first time I understood my child. When I researched psychologists for my son I called his office and asked for a recommendation. Our school believes in his method and they use it with our son because it is what works for him. The basic premise is that kids do well if they can. This book is amazing and I’m grateful I discovered it. I’m happy to lend my copy to people who want to read it. But, please, be on the same page as me. Understand why there are rules that I don’t enforce. Understand why I don’t believe in time-outs and I try very hard not to get angry. It’s a couple hours of your time to understand the situation. Please, take the time.
4) Opinions are okay, but tread lightly I know medication is a complicated issue. As is naturopathic medicine. As in any approach you take to a problem. I’m not opposed to hearing another side. But, it needs to be done gently.Think about what you’re going to say and if it’s really necessary. And remember that as parents we are doing out best. Please don’t assume that we aren’t agonizing over every decision. I don’t want my child on meds either. I know the dangers of Ritalin. I’m getting 2nd and 3rd opinions from medical professionals before I do anything here. So please, don’t talk to one person who knows someone who was once on medication and had a problem – and then relay it to me like it’s something I don’t know.Ask yourself – do you really think I would put my kid on drugs for his brain without thinking it through? NO.
5) Want to help? Here’s how The biggest help right now is to treat my kid like he’s normal. In fact, treat him like the super incredible amazing kid that he is. Of course there are areas he’s not successful. He can’t sit at a fancy restaurant for an hour and behave. He will have a meltdown, everyone will get angry, and he will feel like he failed you.LET HIM BE SUCCESSFUL. Take him to the playground and let him show you how he’s mastered sliding down the fireman’s pole. Let him take you for a walk. Have him tell you a story. Let him show you his drawings or how he prints his name. Ask him about Star Wars or about animals. Play with him, at his level.Want to eat with us? How about asking if he’ll help you bake cookies. And let him do stuff like crack the eggs (instead of worrying about the mess), mix the flour and have “taste tests”. Your reward will be some giant hugs and a kid who feels loved. And when you’ve done all those things, tell him what an amazing kid he is, and then come and tell me. Please. Because I love my child more than life itself, and I am so proud of him. And, I need to know that what I see in him, is what you see in him.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Of course I will attend parties. I love some of the products I have and happily support my friends who sell it. But, I am a firm believer in the fact that when I say I'm happy with my career and don't want a side business I mean it. And if I tell you that over and over, seriously, move on.
So, today I received an e-mail. From a "friend" who has spent the last 2 years contacting me only in the hopes of making me a consultant. It's gotten more and more tacky and insulting. We used to get together as friends. Now if we want to hang out it is only at one of her many parties or open houses (to sell product). When Coco was born I got an e-mail saying congratulations and now would be the time to sell candles. Really?
But today was the icing on the cake when I received this e-mail: (edited by me)
I know you had some interest in the (Insert Company
Name) Opportunity, this month there is an extra $100 in product up for
grabs to add to the already amazing $500 starter kit that you can earn for
Click here for more details.
Let me knwo
if you would like more information about the business
Also there is an opportunity to see (Insert
Company Name) office on Date at 7p.m. at our Regional Meeting where
you can also hear more about the opportunity, if you would like to join us and
receive a free gift for coming out let me know.
So I responded.
Thanks so much for the business opportunities you've been presenting me
At this point, I'm actually focused on pursuing my career in
communications. I was just promoted to the position of XXX!
I've been taking advantage of some amazing challenges and opportunities
through my career here at (My Company). It's great because, like you, as I've
progressed in my chosen position, I've been able to take advantage of some great
Actually, because I'm so excited by some of the great stuff that has been
going on here at (MY Company), I wanted to direct you to the
career opportunities (I put a link) here. There may be something
you would find exciting.
Again, thanks for thinking of me. If you are ever interested in
our careers (inserted another link) let me know!
You know, at this I'm done. I've said my bit and maybe she'll get my point. I think friendships are important, but when you hit the point where all you are is a bunch of dollar signs to someone I don't think the friendship is worth it. Do you?
Friday, April 10, 2009
Coco is walking.
And, though she has many adorable shoes, I went out and bought her proper walking shoes so that we can conquer Disney (in 20 days!) . I wanted something cute but functional.
I went in not planning to buy these shoes since they are pricey.
But, after trying on pretty much every other pair the store offered we tried these on - and they fit perfectly!
It turns out that Coco has a wide foot that is also long.
Just like her mom.
And, how could I resist the pink ones with the giant rhinestone?
I actually went to the women's shoe store to find good shoes for me.
I was being practical and asked for all the features of a shoe I needed for disney.
My selection. Not quite as cute. And, admittedly I did ask the woman (who was a shoe expert and knew the geox line) if they had anything like Coco's.
And, as she pointed out, a pik rhinestone on a baby shoe is far cute than a giant pink rhinestone on an adult shoe.
And, hey. There's always the bedazzler I store in my closet. But, I'm thinking that perhaps I should leave it there and accept that women who are 30 should not bedazzle their shoes.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
How did that happen? Seriously. Five.
And what a year this past one has been.
Matt (who has told me not to call him Doodle, so okay) became a big brother just before he turned 4. And, to see him as a big brother warms my heart. He's kind and he's loving. And, he is protective. I can't tell you the number of times he's caught her from putting stuff in her mouth, has helped her get up when trying to stand.
This year we learned a lot about Matt and his brain.
We learned he is smart. So so smart. He started jk and despite a bit of a rocky start he has flourished. We've discovered that he loves math and science. He absolutely loves to learn about anatomy.
We started to realize that when he was obsessed with the model of a brain at his daycare.
But this fascination with all things anatomy continued. He loves skeletons. That was his halloween costume. He reads body books whenever we go to the library, and has been known to sit and flip through various books about bones when we ask him to read quietly. In fact, when we go to our naturpath he always asks to read her "body book" which is a pictoral representation of the body's different system. It's amazing to me.
This flows nicely into school. In a meeting the other day his teacher told us that February was "love month" and they didn't do any science. And, he missed his science.
I don't know where this came from. Not me. I think my 5 year old knows more about biology than I do.
Matt is starting to read. He's starting to print. He's doing math. It all amazes me!
And, then there are the other things he tries. He's done karate, swimming & gymnastics. They aren't all a hit, but he's tried them. And that makes me proud. He's been asking about violin lessons lately. So we may give that a try.
All in all, it's been a year. Being home with Matt, watching him grow as a person, a brother, my child and my friend ... it's been amazing. I can't wait to see what this year holds for him.