Diagnosis

Yesterday Phat Daddy and I met with Doodle's psychologist to get his diagnosis.
Unsurprisingly, it's ADHD - combined.
There was good news and there was bad news. The good news is that Doodle is smart - very smart. In all of the testing he did he scored really well - like 91st percentile and up. The only thing he was behind in was hand coordination (writing/drawing), but he was fairly typical, so not lagging behind.
Where the problem lies is with, as the diagnosis would suggest, hyperactivity and lack of focus/attention.
The long and short of it is that the psychologist is recommending medication.
We haven't decided.
When I asked him on a scale of 1-10 how bad Doodle's ADHD is, he said it was about a 7. That surprised me. I thought we'd be talking a 3. Although it is a random scale.
We're not talking Ritalin. There are other options and ideas to look into.
The major reason I would consider the medication is because of Doodle's lack of self control. He has so many moments DAILY where he does something and then wishes he hadn't. Or can't understand why he did.
And the medication would apparently help with that.
As he gets older I worry that he will hurt himself. For that reason I'd consider it.
So, we're at the point where we need to weigh all the options. Think about what we think is best for our child. And hope that we make the right decision.
But, really, at the end of the day, it freaks me out that we're debating giving our child medication for his brain that he could be on for the rest of his life. It scares me.
But, it also makes me feel like maybe the fact that I'm frustrated with him a lot means that I'm not a bad parent.
So, what's next? Well, thankfully we love Doodle's doctors. So, I called both his GP and Naturopath. Our GP, knowing my discomfort with medication, said I can meet with her or she can refer me to a pediatrician or both. We're going to see our naturopath to discuss options.
But, before all of that ....
We're getting a good night's sleep. Or maybe not. I promised Doodle a sleepover in his bedroom tonight. Well, at least Phat Daddy will get a good night's sleep!

Dentist

Yesterday was not without incident at the dentist.
I did my best to prepare Doodle for what was to come. We discussed "sleeping" at the dentist and talked about his fears. We met with the child life specialists and Doodle so they could show him the mask and discuss his fears. We brought his stuffed animals (Poof-butt and Pricetag) to keep him comfortable. We did our best.
And, when we brought him into the room where they had the machine and performed the fillings he was pretty excited. He hopped up on the chair, grabbed the mask and was ready to go.
Phew.
HA.
The excitement over the mask lasted about 10 seconds. And then he FREAKED.
I don't blame him, but still. It was a major freak-out and we had to hold him down. He was screaming and the child life specialists were telling me it was okay just as much as they were telling him it was okay. And I stood there.
And then we had to hold him down because at that point there was no turning back. And, I knew he fell asleep watching me hold him down and being scared. And that hour or so he was under sucked.
Majorly.
Then came waking up.
That also sucked. When he woke up he was angry and scared and writhed and kicked and screamed. And as soon as he was awake enough to speak he shouted at me and asked me why I didn't help him when he wanted to take the mask off.
I didn't have an answer. There's no logic, anyway, at that point. He just wanted to be angry.
So, he spent most of the morning being angry. We eventually left. The only way I could calm him down enough to go was to have the child life specialist help us by giving us a mask that he ceremoniously slammed into the garbage. (they sterilize them). It helped.
And then he spent the rest of the drive home being angry.
I felt horrible.
The good news is that his teeth are all filled. The bad news ... I'm not sure he really will willingly go back to the dentist again.

Getting Through the Week

This week in Doodle's life is a big one.
Today we're going to the dentist to get 4 teeth filled and a full cleaning - under anaesthsia. He's excited. I'm scared.
Thursday we go back and meet with his child psychologist to get a full report. We've spent the past several months going through an assessment process. When we first started thsi process his doctor helped us through some basic assessment tests and there were signs he may have ADHD. But, several months later we finally are getting a full report from the psychologist who has been assessing him.
And, once we get that report we start working on behavioural techniques to "help him be the best kid he can be."
I sort of feel like we're at the tip of the iceberg here.
And, we just need to make it through the week.
But, as for Doodle ... He seems unphased.
He's excited about going to the dentist today.
And, he wants to know how he can behave better. Seriously, he often asks me if he can get his brain to work better so he knows how to behave.
And, as parents we're trying to get everything working.
Wish us luck!

Hanging On

I know it has been forever since i posted.
I've thought about it and meant too, but I've just been so busy.
Work is good. I'm back in the routine and, dare I say it, enjoying it. Some stuff has changed, but I'm busy and happy and laughing a lot. And, it's nice to wear heels and nice clothes and worry about makeup. I love that stuff.
I miss my kids during the day, but I'm more excited when I get home. And, I don't miss the battles to get Doodle out the door to school. I do miss saying hi to his teacher and the other moms.
And, I'm excited that tomorrow is Valentine's. I get to go on a date with my sweetie. Our amazing nanny offered to watch the kids, even though it's Saturday and her day off. We said maybe, but when she offered 2 more times we decided that she was okay with it. We're going to a restaurant I've been dying to go to. It's a restaurant that used to be a dive, but has been made over into a pretty swanky place.
So, I plan to abandon my diet (to a point) and just enjoy the evening. I'm definitely going for something extravagantly chocolaty for dessert! Yum.
Otherwise things are going well. Maybe it's the change in the weather but everyone has been in better moods. I'm still following my diet program, and I've even started going back to the gym a bit.
And, the kids ...
The baby just got her 8th tooth. Seriously. She's 10.5 months and has 8 teeth. It's insane. I went out and bought her a special teething toy (Sophie the Giraffe) since she's been biting us. The biting has stopped so we're happy.
And Doodle? He has a girlfriend.
More on that later.

Happy Valentine's!

Week One ... Done

I made it through my first week back at work.
I wasn't sure what to expect. It was nice to be back, to put on work clothes, to dress up and go back. It was great to see friends I missed.
By the end of the week, as I got back into the swing of things and got through some of the work I took on, I remembered the feeling I have at work - the feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day. It's so different from being at home, where my days are measured by my kids' schedules, where an accomplishment is getting Doodle to school without losing my temper, successfully introducing a new food to the Princess and keeping her on schedule. And, truly those are accomplishments.
It's a very different measure at work. My goal of today was to finish the press release, attend the meeting, figure out a numbering system. All of that is done.
And then I go home.
And start with the stuff at home: wiping noses, giving hugs, having family cuddles.
The balance isn't quite there yet. I'm exhausted when I get home. And I don't have as much patience. And, I'm unbelieveably jealous some moments of the time our nanny spends with the kids - even though she's amazing and jealousy is ridiculous.
And I'm weaning the baby. That's hard. I don't need a watch to tell me it's noon because my body tells me. I resist the urge to call home to make sure she's eaten. I know she has. And Phat Daddy gets home for lunch to make sure everything is okay.
So life goes on. And in time the feeling of imbalance will work itself out. I'll accept that my kids love me as Mommy and I can't be replaced. And, I'll get back on stride at work and not feel lost. And, maybe I'll even fit into some of my old work clothes again.
And tonight I'm cuddling with my kids and giving them extra kisses. And, I'll be grateful that I have a job and a family and that soon this will all make a whole lot more sense.