Stupid Parenting

I try to be a good parent.
I'm not perfect, but I do try my best.
So, tonight when we decided to go to Bad Boy to look at appliances we made a big deal of it so that Doodle would be excited to go.
It went well for quite awhile.
He sat in comfy couches and watched the Matrix while Mike, Coco and I looked at washers and dryers.
For close to an hour we had a really easy visit.
And then it came time to figure out the financial stuff. I was fully involved in the negotiating process. And then we debated. And debated some more and made a decision.
Voila ...








Nice, eh?
Anyway.
Once we got through negotiation we had to figure out paying and delivery and about a million other things that should have take 5 minutes but took 45.
So, in my attempt to be a good parent, especially since it was approaching bedtime, I entertained my kids. Somehow that turned into playing hide and go seek with my 4 year old.
I LET MY 4 YEAR OLD HIDE IN A FURNITURE STORE.
It was fun till I lost him.
He was hidden, thank God, in a bedroom set. I walked past the set 5 times, but did not see him.
It took Mike and I, 5 staff members and some freaking out to discover him.
What was I thinking? Seriously.
We were having fun. Until I lost my kid. And ran around the store panicking.
And that was my stupid parenting decision of the night.
Who found him? A sales associate who totally guessed where he would hide. Smart guy.
We left moments after and decided to watch a video in the van while Phat Daddy finished the transaction.

One Year

It's been one year since I went on mat leave. And, in 2 weeks our princess will turn one.
And, she has a nickname!
Somewhere between our nanny arriving and me going back to work, we started calling the baby CoCo.
Phat Daddy hates it.
I love it.
Even funnier is that it sometimes gets turned into "Coco Koala" (I don't know why) and "Coco Puff".
And, the best part is that people truly believe that is her name! I love it. In the past couple of weeks she's really changed. First she learned to dance. She's attempting to walk and is taking steps and stands on her own.
And she blows kisses. We made a movie last night and I will figure out how to post it. It's pretty cute.
And Doodle? He's moving right along.
I haven't talked much about his diagnosis. We needed some time to let the whole idea settle and to think about it and to talk to people about it.
Where we're at?
Of course we have spoken to our family doctor. She's referred us to a pediatrician who specialized in ADHD. I'm not sure I need a second opinion on the diagnosis, but I do want a more fulsome explanation of the medication.
And we also went to see our naturopath.
We decided to put Doodle on a stronger regimen of homeopathic remedies and see how does. So, we're trying it. We started on Saturday, and you generally need a couple of days for remedies to kick in.
It's hard to see if there has been a difference. It's good to start a regimen on a weekend because you can see if there are any adverse reactions. But, for me it's hard to see if there's a difference, really, in his activity level. Seriously, it was beautiful weather and my child who has been cooped up all winter was allowed to go crazy and play outside! How do you guage hyperactivity? I was going just as crazy as Doodle and even Coco was extra excited.
So, we'll wait and see.
This week is a funny week anyway. There are no evening activities because of March break, and since the weather is nice he'll get a lot more fresh air.
But, I'm remaining hopeful.

And, seriously ... i'm loving this weather!

Week One ... Done

I made it through my first week back at work.
I wasn't sure what to expect. It was nice to be back, to put on work clothes, to dress up and go back. It was great to see friends I missed.
By the end of the week, as I got back into the swing of things and got through some of the work I took on, I remembered the feeling I have at work - the feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day. It's so different from being at home, where my days are measured by my kids' schedules, where an accomplishment is getting Doodle to school without losing my temper, successfully introducing a new food to the Princess and keeping her on schedule. And, truly those are accomplishments.
It's a very different measure at work. My goal of today was to finish the press release, attend the meeting, figure out a numbering system. All of that is done.
And then I go home.
And start with the stuff at home: wiping noses, giving hugs, having family cuddles.
The balance isn't quite there yet. I'm exhausted when I get home. And I don't have as much patience. And, I'm unbelieveably jealous some moments of the time our nanny spends with the kids - even though she's amazing and jealousy is ridiculous.
And I'm weaning the baby. That's hard. I don't need a watch to tell me it's noon because my body tells me. I resist the urge to call home to make sure she's eaten. I know she has. And Phat Daddy gets home for lunch to make sure everything is okay.
So life goes on. And in time the feeling of imbalance will work itself out. I'll accept that my kids love me as Mommy and I can't be replaced. And, I'll get back on stride at work and not feel lost. And, maybe I'll even fit into some of my old work clothes again.
And tonight I'm cuddling with my kids and giving them extra kisses. And, I'll be grateful that I have a job and a family and that soon this will all make a whole lot more sense.

My last Week

This is my last week at home with my kids.
It's hard to believe.
It seems like yesterday that my little baby girl was born.
And I discovered the joys of dressing up a baby girl!
And, it seems like only yesterday that I was getting ready for my baby boy to have his first day of kindergarten. I couldn't imagine dropping him off at the elementary school and trusting that his teacher would take good care of him.
But, I survived that. And Doodle is flourishing and loving school. I know this because yesterday we visited his classroom and he has changed so much. He's happy and listens and sits still during circle time. AND HE'S LEARNING TO READ!

And, it was just last week that our nanny started with us. And, I had to remember that just like I've trusted it's okay to bring Doodle to school and to daycare and to leave him with my sister. And, just like I have trusted the people at church to care for my princess in the nursery. I have to trust that I've made the right decision to go back to work and leave my children with a nanny.

And, it's all okay.

My kids are happy. After a couple of days the baby has stopped crying when I leave. She's happy with this lovely woman who sings to her when she cries and seems to have endless patience. And Doodle? He's just decided that the nanny is part of our family. And, though I'll someday havImage via Wikipediae to explain she's not really ... I'm thrilled he loves her so much.

And, I'm trying to understand my role. I'm trying to remember that the role of Mommy doesn't change for me. Maybe I won't be here all day every day, but I am still the one they want at the end of the day. I'm still the one that gives family cuddles and can throw the rules out the window and declare a Spongebob and ice cream day! I'm still the one who gets up in the night to nurse the baby. And I'm still the one who loves these kids more than anyone could ever imagine, except Phat Daddy.


And, this week I'm trying to relax and enjoy my kids, and appreciate that I've found someone who loves my kids and takes amazing care of them. Of course I'll be sad to go back, but every day I'm feeling better and better about the choice we've made. And ... it also helps that I got a hair cut, some new clothes and shoes, and I'm missing my work friends a whole lot!

Now, what should I wear on my first day back to work?

On the Up Swing

Our nanny has been here all week now.
The fears I had and then uncertainty that I was feeling are finally going away. Our nanny is amazing, and the children love her.
Everyday has gotten progressively better. The princess is beginning to understand what is going on. She's warmed up to our nanny, and by yesterday she was willingly going to her when I left the house.
The one thing that we are learning, though, is that it is far too confusing for her (right now) to play with the nanny while she knows I'm right there. For instance, if I want to cook and ask our nanny to play with the kids, the baby will sob because she knows I'm right there. It makes it a little difficult for us to do some stuff, but I don't see it as a huge issue. I've been going out more, and leaving her. And, she seems quite happy both when I leave and when I return.
I have to admit that having our contractor still working on the basement is making things a little easier. He has been telling me how things are going and reassuring me that she is very kind with the kids.
And, as for Doodle? He loves her. I was quite worried about him, but it wasn't necessary. He thinks the nanny is his new best friend, and has told me more than once that I can go back to work now.
I'm not taking that personally. I'm thrilled that he's ready for that. It makes me feel that as a mom I've done my job preparing him for me going back to work. And, I'm thrilled that we have found someone who seems to truly love my children.

And ... on a completely different note. I'm still doing really well on the diet plan from my naturopath. I got a bunch of blood tests back and learned a lot about what is going on with my body. The good news is that there's nothing wrong with me. Image via WikipediaThe bad news is that my metabolism is really slow and my hormones are out of whack. But, it seems like a lot of the changes I've made are working. I've lost 9 lbs since New Years! And, I don't really feel like I'm on a diet. I'm enjoying food and not craving sugar. So, life is good!

Words

Image via WikipediaSometimes Doodle kills us with what he says. Because he's learning so much lately, some things don't exactly compute.
For instance, on the weekend we turned on some old cartoon station and the Pink Panther was on. Doodle was watching it, and really enjoyed it. A little later in the day he was humming the song and said to Phat Daddy and I, "I really liked that show you let me watch."
Absentmindedly I asked which show.
His response was "the cat show". So, I said "oh, you mean Tom and Jerry?"
Nope.
"No. Mommy. The Big Pamper. The Big Pamper made me laugh!"
Too funny.
The other thing that he's been doing lately is calling Phat Daddy "Father".
I have no idea why.
We asked him and he told us that it's because Phat Daddy is his father. True. But still.
He does it all the time. He talks about "father" not "daddy" and whenever he sees him says "Hi Father".
It cracks me up.
Phat Daddy does not find it funny. But, whatever.

And, in the not so funny words.
Yesterday I made Doodle his morning smoothie. He said he wanted to also have eggs and a cheese sandwich. Weird. But, I guess he was hungry. So I told him if he finished his smoothie he could have something else to eat.
So, as I was trying to calm down the Princess (who wanted to nurse) Doodle shouted for me. His question
"WHERE'S MY ORDER?"
What????
I calmly walked over to him and asked what he had just said. His response. "I ordered eggs and a cheese sandwich. HURRY UP WITH MY ORDER."
Nice.
I had no idea where he got that from. He was very quickly told that is not how we talk in this house. And, upon further questioning I learned that at the Krusty Krab (Spongebob) that is how they ask for their food.

Oh the joys of 4 year olds!

Why November Sucks ...

Let me tell you how our month is starting.



Take one little Princess (see the teeth) whose mommy decided that November 1st was the day we start weaning in earnest, and who is demonstrating that she has lungs that are just as capable of screaming as her brother's!

Add in a scary 4 year old who is, for all intents and purposes, hung over from a day of candy, indulgence, lots of fun and little sleep.

Throw in 2 adults who decided that the way to cap off Halloween was to have a yummy bottle of wine - and are now nursing headaches to go along with seasonal colds. And the requisite amount of Mommy Guilt for letting my child scream in Daddy's ear while he tries to convince her to accept formula.

And that, my friends, is how we're starting off our month!

The good news is that we live very close to the liquor store, and since we're weaning, a glass of wine may just be the remedy.

Doodle

Today was Doodle's first full day of school. Graduated entry is over and now he's there full days Tues/Thurs and alternate Fridays (which is pretty much once a month).
Today didn't go so well. He got several time outs for hitting and biting. When I picked him up he was sad. He just wanted lots of hugs. It broke my heart.
We've worked with him a lot. We've tried changing his diet so he eats well. We've made sure there's consistency in his sleep routines. We've used time outs. We've been trying to channel his energy at karate classes. I've been doing a lot of reading.
I'm totally frustrated.
I wish there was some way to figure it out, some magic explanation so he stops this behaviour, some method that we knew would work.
As a mom it's so deflating. It's not that I'm embarrassed. I'm not. He's my kid and I love him immensly. But, I'm worried for him. I don't want to let him down. I'm so scared that this behaviour, this thing that we can't figure out and that I'm not fixing is going to cause him problems down the road.
I'm worried that if he's mean at the age of 4, he'll start getting picked on as he gets older.
And, I'm terrified because in a few months I won't be picking him up at school everyday and making sure he's okay. I want to protect him, and I'm scared that I'm not.
And, I don't really know what to do.
For now I'm at a loss. I know I have to be patient. I need to let him settle into school and into the routine and to get to know his teacher. But, I don't want to wait too long and let him down. I want everyone to see the wonderful, smart, kind child I see.

Forms, Forms, Forms

Image via Wikipedia Yesterday was Doodle's second day of jk.
It was a half day and half the class was there. It would seem I missed the memo stating that this is the day you bring your kleenex and your camera. I was saving the drama for his first FULL day of school which is Tuesday. But, as I learned yesterday was the first real day in the minds of many parents. Oops!
So, needless to say I was totally fine and totally happy and quite comfortable sending Doodle off for a couple of hours of school.
When I picked him up he was really excited about his 2 hours. And he told me that he had a bunch of stuff in his bag.
Nope. My 4 year old didn't have homework ... I did!
He came home with a Zipoc bag filled with forms to fill out and cheques to write.
Gone are the days of the pizza lunch. Instead hot lunch at his school comes with multiple choices of gourmet foods. Choices. Does he want chicken nuggets or caesar salad or a burrito? How would I know? And, call me crazy but since when do school lunches cost $7???? It isn't a big deal for us because they do these lunches once per week and they alternate Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday - so he ended up only ordering about 4 lunches on days he is there.
Then there was the Scholastic order. I'm still baffled by which catalogue to order from and what books he needs. I've put that aside for the day.
And also there was the whole milk thing. What days does he want milk and does he want chocolate or white milk?
I haven't done so much math homework since I was in school - and it's only day one!
The other thing I did, which made me feel very mom-like indeed was I pulled out my giant family organizer calendar and wrote down all the info they gave me. We now have the entire school year documented on a calendar for all to see. I'm hoping it gets us organized and ready to start the year.
I never realized just how much work was involved in being a parent of a school child. But, in some weird way I feel like I'm actually on top of all of this school stuff. At least for the first day.

Oh, and as for the ridiculously huge lunch I packed for Doodle? It was just that. A little ridiclous. He ate very little, but that's okay. I am pretty sure that I have at least an idea of what he'll like. And, I'm sure that as we continue in school mode it will get easier and easier.

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New Neighbours, New Hair, New Discipline WOW!

It's been a busy day. A very busy one.
first we had to say goodbye to our neighbours. It wasn't terribly sad, but we liked them and they were good neighbours. So, it was still kind of weird to say bye. But, the good news is that we have new neighbours! With a baby! And they seem nice and normal!
They've been slowly moving stuff in since about 5:30 (quietly) in preparation for their move on Saturday. Doodle has been watching all the action from his bedroom window. And though he's a little excited about new neighbours he's a little miffed that they have a baby and not a 4 year-old. I'm sure he will adjust.
The other excitement in my day was that I got my hair done. I know I usually go to my beloved Bill, but I don't like to go there for colour. I'm sure it would lovely, but it would also cost me a ton of money. And it's a long way away. And it takes a long time to do colour. I like to just relax and read magazines and I'd be so stressed that I was at Bill's. So I found somewhere closer to home. Not only was it not a bad price.
But ... I love it!
And I have bangs! Okay. A fringe. But it's a change. And I love it. And most importantly she showed me how to do the front myself and style it so that if I let it dry mostly on its on it will look nice wavy not scrunched wavy.
Of course, the final topic of the night is Mr. Doodle himself. He's a handful. And lately timeouts just don't work. Today I put him in time-out and he laughed at me. I was furious. So what did I do? I took the closest toy I could see, a spongebob backpack, and threw it in the garbage. Actually, I put him in a clear garbage bag adn told Doodle that if he didn't behave out it went. I have to admit that I'm a little surprised by how shocked and upset he was.
I felt kind of bad. Especially when Spongebob was staring out at me from a clear plastic bag. It was pathetic. So, now he's in the process of earning back a toy and keeping his other toys out of the garbage.
I didn't come up with the idea alone. My sister did this once with my niece and she still tells me about it. So, I think I may have something here. As long as I follow through. And who wants to throw out toys. But, whatever works. It's a lot easier than a garage sale :)
Oh ... and one final thing. I'm afraid to jinx it, but the baby is sleeping through the night some nights and other nights only wakes up once. Life is good.

Meeting Goals

Last night was my 4th Weight Watchers Meeting which means I've been doing this for a month. And guess what? I lost 2 more pounds which means I've lost a little more than 5 lbs. But more than that? I'd set a specific weight goal that I wanted to hit for our trip to Disney World. And I hit it last night ... 3 weeks ahead of schedule!
I'm thrilled.
Of course I set myself a new goal. And of course I have another 20 + lbs to lose before I hit my goal weight. But, I'm seeing the changes and I'm seeing the difference and I'm pretty happy about that.
Here's the funny thing. For the last month we've also been following a version of the elimination diet: no dairy, no refined sugars and flours, limited wheat and eggs. It has been difficult, but we've been plugging away at it. One of the ways we've done this is by baking a lot. The cookies in our house are low sugar and different wheats. And we've been eating TONS of fresh fruit and veggies.
So, yesterday evening I bought myself a cookie from Starbucks. I love them. And I was surprised when I just didn't enjoy it quite so much. It just tasted a little fake - and not quite so satisfying. Maybe there's something to this clean living.
This week we're also seeing our naturopath to review the results of what we've been doing. I believe that we'll be introducing some foods back into Doodle's diet (eggs, please eggs!). Should be a fun week.
And as for today ... we're having a strawberry and cereal picnic before playing at the playground and then going grocery shopping. It will be either really funny or BRUTAL. Only time will tell.

Sunday Night Dinner

I sware this isn't a cooking blog.
But, so much of my life these days is trying to make our lives healthier that a lot of my mental energy is spent on planning out healthy meals. But, I want to not only make meals that are healthy, I want them to taste good so that we all enjoy them.
On Saturday we went to a wedding which was wonderful. And I was inspired by the yummy appetizer salad they served. It had strawberries and almonds and mandarin oranges. So, I ran with that. And, then I thought we should try bbqing shrimp because shrimp is really low calorie and I love bbq shrimp.
And, since there's nothing I love more that sharing my creative efforts with people we invited my parents over to try out our dinner.
The result was pretty successful. It was delicious.
Doodle has been helping me in all of my culinary efforts. Today we made banana muffins (delish!) and he was right in the putting all the ingredients in.
At dinner he was washing all of the veggies and setting the table. He even helped me make the salad dressing. And the more that he helps the more excited he is to try out the various foods that we make.
We didn't give him any of the shrimp. I'm not sure if he would have liked it, but we just introduced him to veggie dogs, and he was really excited to have veggie dogs with his healthy salad.
Tomorrow I'm taking him to an osteopath. Our naturopath recommended it to us to help with the hyper-acitivity (though the lack of nitrates and refined sugar has made a huge difference.). I'm really excited to see how this all works out and if it actually makes a difference for him.

Phat Daddy and I have been talking about how I'm embracing all of this. I realize that I've gone completely overboard on this healthy bandwagon. As far as bandwagons go, it's a pretty good one to be on. But in all honesty I think a huge part of it is that I really struggle with staying at home. I see some of the super moms out there and don't feel terribly successful. But, I think this has given me something to run with and succeed at. And so far so good.

This week, though, I need to make sure to journal his food and mood. I've been really neglecting that.

The Elimination Begins

After a visit last week with our amazing naturopath (more on that later) and a week of slowly getting rid of the junk in our diets, we're starting a full out elimination diet in our house this week.
I know it sounds brutal, but we're attempting to cut out wheat, dairy, eggs, tomatoes & additives out of our diets, specifically Doodle's diet.
It actually sounds harder than it is. Because I'm on mat leave and home with the kids all day I have a lot of control over what Doodle eats. I also have the time to prepare the foods that are kind of replacement foods. And, since it's summer there is a lot more yummy fruit and veggies in the store (and my child could survive on fruit, I think).
We did a bit of a test run last week. Both Phat Daddy and I were a little surprised by the results. Doodle has been happier and calmer. We've had meltdowns and temper tantrums, but generally Doodle is able to snap out of them pretty quickly.
We have been supplementing his diet with a special shake that is full of vitamins and minerals (and he loves it) so we know that he is getting the nutrition he needs.
The goal of this week (and the next 2 weeks) is to see what kind of a change eliminating all of that stuff will make in Doodle's life. I keep a food/mood diary which will be examined by our naturopath and once we have some ideas on what foods he may have an allergy to then we are doing testing.
Tonight is also my first weight watchers weigh in. Lucky me!

Holistic

I've been hesitant to blog about what's been going on with us health wise, but now that we've been going through this for a bit, I figure it's a little more okay.
Ever since the baby was little she has been struggling with gas. Long story short, but after visits to the doctor and eventually the hospital I was frustrated by no answers and went to a naturopath who suggested eliminating dairy from her diet. The visit for the baby was short.
The long part of that visit was a conversation about Doodle.
This doctor was very concerned about his behaviour. She thought it was very erratic and basically blamed it on sugar and his diet in general. Her bedside manner was horrible and I left pissed off that she had blamed me for his hyperactivity, but part of the problem is that she was right. For quite awhile now I have been concerned about his behaviour.
ADHD has been whispered to us. Hyperactivity has also been mentioned.
But, what I had noticed is that he's not constantly hyper. And as a parent it's incredibly frustrating that one day he can listen and behave and follow directions with no problem, and then you catch him at the wrong moment and he can't. I know part of this is being a little kid, but it's not that. For instance today I was at my sister's place. Her almost 3 year old was having a rough afternoon. She was having temper tantrums, and just not listening. But, my sister could pinpoint it to a lack of sleep and needing a nap.
With Doodle it's not like this. Sure he has his moments where we know he needs sleep. But, the hyperactivity is not that. It's like he physically can't stop himself.
Recently he started karate. He loves it. I love it. His teacher is an amazing woman who is a former kindergarten teacher. She works magic in her karate classes - and gets a room full of 3-5 year olds doing various things in tandem, quietly. I have a lot of respect for her.
After the last class she asked to speak with me.
She was concerned about his hyperactvity also. But, she explained it to me.
Basically she said that once he enters the school system he will be recommended to be on Ritalin because of his hyperactivity. She has noticed that sometimes he seems to have uncontrollable energy, and said that from her experience with children she doesn't seem this as a behaviour/parenting issue, but rather as a chemical one that may be triggered by something. At one point in the class she was helping him with something and he said his brain hurts. She asked him why and he said "it's the food my mom gives me." (oh the mommy guilt from that comment, but that's a whole other issue!)
She suggested that we do allergy testing and see a naturopath.
Interestingly enough I'd been doing a lot of research since the initial naturopath visit. My mom and I had just attended a lecture given by a naturopath who is about 20 minutes away from my house. And I liked her. And spoke to her after.
So, we're going to go and see her and see what she suggests for Doodle. Actually, I have been e-mailing back and forth with her along with reading as much as I can about the link between diet and behaviour. It's scary what's in our food - and it's scary what I've been okay with.
It looks like we're in for an "elimination diet". Seriously. Want to know what it's about? Here's what she said in an e-mail
"If you are up for an elimination diet, you may want to try avoiding the following foods: any food additives or preservatives (colours, preservatives, nitrates in hot dogs or cold meats), dairy, cane sugar, and wheat. Definitely prepare for this one, find substitutes that Doodle enjoys and get a good cook book ( I like The Whole Foods Allergy Cookbook by Cybele Pascal) before embarking on the elimination period, which should be 3 weeks. You should notice a shift in his behaviour if he is sensitive to any of these foods or additives."
I know it sounds crazy, but I think we're doing it. It may kill me. But, if it doesn't I'm sure I'll be a stronger person for it. And, I'm doing it right along with Doodle. And if I'm doing it, the Baby's doing it. And by some stretch so is Phat Daddy.
I think June is going to be a Long month!
If anyone has done this before I'd love to hear your input.

Addiction

Doodle is completely addicted to soothers.

I know. He's 4. He should not have a soother. Trust me, we have been saying that since he turned 2. The problem is, he is completely addicted.

Doodle has had a soother since he was about 2 weeks old. We loved the soother. I, especially, loved the soother, since he always needed something in his mouth. When I went back to work (he was about 14 months) we didn't see the need to take the soother away. He was starting daycare and it was him comfort item. As a parent it's a lot easier to let your child go to daycare if you know there is something he loves.

When he was 2 he switched daycare, something just as emotional for me as for him, so there was no way we were going to wean him. Fast forward to turning 3 and we were on to more life changes - we'd just moved to a house and another daycare. We loved that soother. And on it went.

Someone suggested that we take the soother away at his fourth birthday. I couldn't do it. The thing is - he was getting a new baby. I figured that he needed it to comfort him. And, I didn't want him to relate the soother being taken with a new baby. And I didn't want him taking the baby's soother... And on the arguments went.

Until we realized that OUR CHILD IS 4 AND USES A SOOTHER.

I mean, it was constant.

So, Phat Daddy and I have put an end to this.

Here's the rule. The soother stays in the bed. We have an entire check mark behaviour reward system that goes along with it.

Doodle does always seem to want something in his mouth. We have replaced the soother with sugar free gum during the day. The child goes through as much gum as someone quitting smoking. Seriously. The kid is addicted.

Today in the van he said to me "I miss my soother". But, being the strong willed person I can be, I just said I was sorry, but he's 4.

The funny thing is, I think I'm having a harder time with him quitting than he is. I don't know why. Really, I think it's because I feel like I'm forcing him to give up something he really loves. And even though every part of me knows that he needs to give it up, for me it's hard. I hate taking it away from him. To me it seems like such a stupid thing to force him to give up. I mean, it's a soother. It's a piece of rubber and plastic that brings him comfort. 

Seriously. What is my problem?

So, we're fighting the good fight. We're being strict parents. And, for the most part he's okay with it. 

Want to know my secret? I usually keep one of his soothers on me in case of emergency. I feel better knowing it's in my purse. I stash it in there just in case something happens.

So far I haven't pulled it out. He's good. I'm good.

Who knew an addiction would be so hard to break?

Love

On Monday my nieces came to visit and helped me play dress-up with the baby. One of my nieces chose the dress and then I delighted them both when I pulled out the sun hat.

It's just so much fun to have a little baby in the house. I feel like I missed so much of the joy the firs time around.


This constant phrase I hear from doodle every day is "I love my baby."
There's a joy and peace in our house that I never expected. I'm so grateful that we decided to have another, and that we're experiencing the enjoyment of having an infant.

The Daycare Debate

A few months ago Phat Daddy and I made the decision to keep Doodle in daycare till the end of May. The decision was based on the fact that I would be recovering from a c-section, I would be tired, and I would want the extra time to bond with the baby.
Fast forward to this past week, and I've been really questionning the decision to keep Doodle in daycare so long.
Yes, I like the daycare. It's a wonderful place. The teachers are fantastic. Doodle has lots of friends, and the parents who I know are great. I have no complaints.
But, Doodle doesn't want to be there anymore.
And, I'm hitting the point where I don't think I need him there.
Of course it's nice to have the house a little quiet. I have enjoyed being able to watch morning tv and taking it easy and often napping in the afternoon. I've enjoyed bonding with my baby and staying in.
But, I've been home for 2 weeks now. I'm feeling fine. The baby and I are well bonded. The nursing is under control. And ... I miss Doodle.
Today I took him to Tim Horton's before daycare. And we had a good time. He helped open doors for me. He listened when I asked him to sit still. And then it was time for daycare. As soon as I went to leave he started to cry. It was that awful moment where I knew he was trying not to, but he really was sad. And then I was sad. So, we were both trying not to cry. (And, of course the baby chose this time to let us know that she was hungry and she started to cry!) And I ended up promising to pick him up after nap. So, all in all it's a pretty short day. And, I'm sitting here wishing that I'd just kept him home. But, knowing that I can't just give in and we're paying and all of that.
So, I think we're giving our 2 weeks notice.
Believe it or not, I'm ready to be a SAHM to 2. Yikes! Scary. I'm not fully sure how I'll handle it, but I'm thinking I'll take it one day at a time, visit the library and playground often, and hope things work out.

Ahhhhhhhh,,, Quiet (for now)

It's almost 4pm.
In 5 minutes I have to go upstairs and wake my boys up. (I'll let the baby sleep). I sent them both upstairs for "quiet time" aka a nap to get themselves ready for Doodle's birthday party tonight.
Then I fed the baby and once she was asleep I put her in the bedroom also, so all three of them are asleep in one room.
And I'm sitting here, in the quiet, with the tv off, enjoying the peace for just a few moments before I wake everyone up, start bath time for Doodle, and get Phat Daddy packing the van for the play place where we will hold Doodle's party.
I think we have everything ready. Yesterday my mom came over and filled lootbags with me. Phat Daddy made an AMAZING arial firetruck cake. We have ordered pizza and of course sent out invitations. I'm not sure of the exact number of people coming tonight. It was a little dumb to send out invitations the week I was giving birth. Phat Daddy would sit in the hospital checking our voicemail and say "Robert is coming" and we'd be happy, and then neither of us would write it down.
So, we have a guesstimate, and I've hired a couple of babysitters to help curb the madness, so we should be set.
And then tonight, well, I'd say we'll all sleep well. But, I will be awake every hour or 2 feeding the baby. But, hopefully in between feedings I'll sleep well.
The important thing is that tonight Doodle enjoys his party. He's been incredible with his baby sister. He kisses her all the time and hugs her, and always wants to help in some way. And, there's been a lot of change in the last few weeks.
So tonight I want it to be about him and his friends. Maybe I've gone a little overboard (as usual) trying to make it perfect, but truthfully, I want him to know that no matter what he's special to us. I think he knows that. But, I like to remind him as much as I can.
Gotta go wake him up. And, I have to find him matching socks. Both of those could be huge feats in themselves.

And I was worried

I have heard lots of horror stories about siblings not accepting a new baby.
I knew Doodle was pretty excited about having a sister, but I was a little worried about what would happen once reality set in around here.
Afterall, we're paying a lot of attention to the baby, and Doodle has had to be patient while I've nursed the baby and couldn't do something for him immediately. He hasn't said much, just been his normal happy self.
So yesterday we were all sitting at the doctor's office and Doodle told me he thinks we should have another baby. Another girl.
I asked him why. He said "it's just that I love our baby so much I think we should have more."
We've always discussed 2 children. We once debated 3, but that was before Doodle came along and we realized how hard this parenting thing can be. I'll admit that this baby is pretty easy, and there have been a couple times this week when I've been cuddling and nursing and enjoying the joy that is having a new baby, and wondered if this is for sure the last time.
And then I realized that really I think 2 is it for us.
But, at the same times these feelings of having so much love and enjoyment that I'd consider it again are so so so welcome in my life. I struggled so much with Doodle at first, not bonding, feeling like he didn't love me, sobbing and crying over the physical and emotional pain that it's a totally incredible emotion to feel this calm happiness.

Only Doodle!

Yesterday afternoon Doodle and I went to meet his new doctor. I have been on the hunt for a local doctor for our new baby, and since Doodle's doctor is the same as mine, and she's in Toronto, I decided that both children should have a doctor in our home town.
The purpose of yesterday's visit was a "meet and greet".
I've never done this before. And, I thought it would be such a good mommy move to let my son meet his new doctor.
Ha.
From the moment we arrived Doodle was in full Doodle form. He was thrilled to be there, and had about a million questions about doctors, his body and everything else you could imagine. Part of the excitement was that I had picked him up directly after nap at daycare, so he was full of energy!
So, we filled out a million forms and then they brought us to the examining room.
Doodle wanted to look at everything.
He's always been fascinated by doctor's tools, but since he's been extra interested in the human body this room was fascinating to him. He wanted to know what every.single. tool did. And, it's not like I know. I mean, I could figure out some stuff, but other stuff ... who knows.
Suddenly he climbed under the examining table and I have no idea how he did it, but he managed to make the foot part of the table LAND ON HIS EYE.
The blow knocked him over and he landed backward on his head grabbing his eye.
And, the shriek. I'm not sure if it was from pain or shock or both but he was in my lap in about 2 seconds, crying hysterically.
Once I calmed him down a bit I took a look at his eye. The poor kid's eye was cut, red and swollen. And, he was a little afraid that he was in trouble for breaking the table.
Just as he was calming down in walked the doctor.
There wasn't that much she could really say. She glanced at her sheets and then confirmed that we were only here for a meet and greet.
Anyway ...
It went just fine. Doodle was subdued thanks to the injury, and the doctor kindly looked at his eye and declared it a good match for the giant bruise on his forehead. (apparently she has dealt with many 4 year old boys)
I think I'm the only parent who brings her child to the doctor completely healthy and leaves with her child sporting a black eye.
I think 4 is going to be a very interesting year!