It's no secret that Doodle can be a challenging child.
But, a little while ago someone recommended the most amazing book to me. It's called The Explosive Child. It's an incredible book, and it's a method of dealing with difficult children. There are two main themes in the book. The first is that children do well if they can. The second is that children are already motivated to behave, but some children (and teens) need help figuring out how to do that.
To quote the author:
“Instead of asking yourself, ‘What’s it going to take to motivate this kid to behave differently?’ ask ‘Why is this so hard for this child? What’s getting in his way? How can I help?’”
For me, reading this book was an eye opener. We've been struggling with behaviour issues for awhile, and so often I've said, time outs aren't teaching Doodle anything. It's not that I'm not discipling him, but it's that I can't figure out why he's misbehaving. Forgive me if you don't agree with me, but I find it hard to believe that my child who has been having a great day, giving me high fives, playing with his sister and helping me cook dinner wants to have a meltdown because I said it's bath time (something he enjoys).
Well, according to the authors of this book there are reasons for this, and ways to prevent meltdowns.
The more we use this method, the more we start to understand Doodle, the easier our days are getting.
After reading the book I really wanted to meet the author. I had, and still have, a lot of questions. There are specifics I want to sort out. I started to do some research. I found out about a convention he's speaking at. But, it would be $250 to get in, and it is not really designed for parents (especially nursing mothers with 6 month old who are discovering mobility!). But yesterday Doodle's kindergarten teacher sent home a flyer. One of the co-authors of this incredible book is speaking NEAR MY HOUSE! AND IT'S FREE! I don't think I could be any happier right now.
I'm bringing my entire family (if I can get a babysitter - I'm working on that). And, I intend to arrive early, stay late, and ask my questions. I want everyone in my family to understand exactly what it is I'm trying to accomplish in my house. Of course they are on board, but I am so excited that they will also get to hear exactly how you do this.
The good news? In school, his jk teacher really believes in this method. And, as I'm working on it at home, she's working on it at school. And yesterday he got no time-outs at school all day. I'm thrilled.
So, we take it one day at a time. Some days are better than others, but at the end of the day it's really nice to see some positive things happening in Doodle's life.