It's inevitable when there's a lot of change in life. In a few months I've left work (on mat leave), had a baby, become a stay at home mom, and in a week I'll be 30. All of it is good, but it's also a huge change. And, even though this has taken me by surprise, I am baffled by all of it.
Honestly, I'm lonely.
At work I had a function. I knew my role. I knew my colleagues. If anything I probably spent maybe a little too much time chatting on certain days. But, it's nice filling that role. It's great being "in the loop" and being invited for drinks. I love the fact that my job has me in the department that plans events. I love writing stories about people in the company. Sure it's work, and there are days when I want to scream. And there are days when I disagree with my colleagues. And I'll admit that some days have been really really bad.
And I kind of hate the GO train a lot of the time.
But. When I'm at work I have a handle on who I am. I know where I fit in. I am up on the gossip.
Here at home it's different.
I go to play groups and know nobody.
And when I make conversation I get the pleasantries and then everyone goes back to their friends and I can't break into the clique.
The gossip, it seems, is where there is a sale on Robeez, and how many of the kids are there with their nannies. Until you break in it's surface stuff. And it's hard. Brutally hard. Especially when, like me, you thrive on talking to people.
And, I miss my work friends. I know I can call and I do sometimes. But, I don't want to interrupt their days. And, it's kind of dumb to say "so ... today I went to a playgroup, gave Doodle 2 time outs, went to the playground. And and and ... they had good samples at Starbucks." (really, breakfast sandwich samples were a highlight today).
To be clear, that's not what I think Stay at Home Moms do. I know this. My sister is a SAHM extraordinaire and fills her day. And she often has coffee with me. I'd be insane without her and my mom.
But, when you're on leave it's hard.
When Doodle was a baby it was different. I had 2 friends to hang out with and I relied on them for sanity. We'd go to playgroups. And it was fine. But now I'm starting over.
I'm a zany mom to a little boy and a baby girl. My house is rarely clean, my life is kind of frazzled, but I'm happy and wouldn't change a thing!
My son, Doodle, is energetic, crazy and one of the sweetest children you will ever meet.
My baby, Coco, is almost one. She's full of energy and is total personality!
I've been blogging for a couple of years now, but recently decided to move to a space that gives me a little more anonymity.
I've been married for almost 7 years to "Phat Daddy" a wonderful man who is my complete opposite. He's calm when I'm hyper. He's quiet and I'm talkative. We bicker a lot but we love each other intensely.
I work in marketing and communications, downtown Toronto but enjoying my maternity leave right now.