My Fear Today ...

At this point in my pregnancy I'm almost 35 weeks along. Good news except for one thing. Today I am completely paranoid that I'm going to go into labour.
Don't laugh!
Do you know what today is? February 29th. That's right. A leap year. I do not want a leap year baby. I think it would kind of suck.
I know a couple leap year babies. They aren't thrilled.
I mean, of course there's always the musical Pirates of Penzance to fall back on as a great reason to be born on a leap year (there are no musicals about may 20th babies), but ...
Of course, my doctor freaked me out completely this week by telling me that in case I go early I should have my bags packed. I really really need to clean my office and organize my files before I can have this baby.
And ...
I don't want a leap year baby.
I told Phat Daddy my concerns, and he said that he's pretty sure that I'm fine. I called my sister and she reminded me that considering the length of my last labour (23 hours not including "early labour") even if I did start having contractions today I probably would wait it out till March 1st. Excellent point.
Plus ...
Today is the day that my mom and I go to the Steven and Chris show. How fun would it be to have your water break LIVE ON TV???
And then I'm coming home and we're going for a weekend trip to Buffalo. I really would like one more meal at the Cheesecake Factory before this baby makes an appearance.
So, as I've been saying all day, "be comfy, Baby."
Anytime after next week game on. Got ideas for speeding up a baby's arrival feel free to send them my way. I just want to hold off till next week - Tuesday preferably - and then we're good to go!

The Inevitable Eyebrow Post

You may not know this about me, but I'm obsessed with eyebrows.
I have dark hair and very thick eyebrows. Around 6th grade I sprouted a unibrow and that is when I began to focus on my eyebrows. I became rather obsessed with making sure I did not have a unibrow EVER, and as I got a little older I started to shape my eyebrows.
I will admit that I could have done a slightly better job, and it wasn't until my friend Jenn introduced me to the art of eyebrow waxing (she had a birthday party where her mom hired a woman to wax all of us ... how cool is that?) that I truly understood the difference that a well-groomed eyebrow could make in a woman's life.
That began my obsession with a well groomed brow.
I've had many hairstyles and colours. I've been fat and not-so-fat. I've had good make-up days and bad, and I've had many shapes of eyebrows, but for the past 12 years or so I've had a well-groomed brow.
I've tried many methods from allowing my sister to wax my eyebrows (except she waxed my eyes shut and I lost a lot of brows) to tweezing to pre-cut wax strips and maybe even shaving.
The truth is that my best look is just getting my brows professionally done. It never costs more than $20, and it's worth it.
But, lately I've let my brows go.
Okay, so it wasn't terrible, but it was very noticeable to me. I've gone about 6 weeks without proper upkeep and I fely practically manly. In fairness, I've been headachey and sick. And, I've been busy at work and I usually just run out on a lunch hour.
But, today I booked an appointment at 3pm and ran over between meetings. I go to a little spa near work, so I was there and back within about 20 minutes.
Not only do I feel myself again, but ...
I learned that a thicker brow is in. And, my grown in look wasn't all that bad. In fact, my aesthetician said that she didn't have much work to do because my brows looked healthy. I was shocked!!!!
And, how great is this timing. As much as I don't want to let them get too thick, knowing that I won't need to worry too much about brow maintenance when this baby arrives is a good thing. Cause yes, I will be obsessing just a bit about my brows in between trying to raise a baby and toddler and get some sleep.
And, do you want to know something else? I do judge people by their brows, and now that Phat Daddy and I have been married almost 7 years he will tell you that he does too. Sad. I know!

Counting the Days ... and Getting Nervous

I had an ob appointment today.

I love my ob. I was kind of hesitant when I first decided to go with an ob because I had an amazing experience with my midwives, and a big part of me wanted to go for midwifery care again. But, thanks to some complications last time, and my family doctor's suggestion I chose to go to ob route.

I've heard good and bad stories, but the doctor I see is incredible. She's young. She is kind and caring and her staff make me laugh. No matter what she has to say to me, good or bad, she never stresses me out which is pretty important to me.

So, today we went through a few things. The most important thing to me, other than the baby's health, has been my weight and health and blood pressure. When we compared the stats from this pregnancy and last I discovered that at this point I weigh 50 lbs LESS than I did with Doodle. 50 lbs. That's like 5 large babies!!! Because of this, or perhaps because I'm eating healthier, my blood pressure which was a cause of concern last time is good. In fact, they take it twice every appointment because it is so good that they want to double check.

I have a few theories on this. I think my last pregnancy I was so stressed out and anxious (it was a surprise pregnancy, I was losing my job, I had a tyrannical boss and we were very worried about money) that I was dealing with depression. This time around I've been dealing with the anxious and depressive feelings, and so I haven't felt the need to eat my way through them. Sometimes it's a little hard to talk about stress, but for me it's been great. And, I think it's showing physically. I had no idea until I went through the pre-natal anxiety counseling that a lot of depressed people GAIN weight. I had always thought they lose it.

Anyway ...

In addition to all of that, the doctor gave me something to help me through this cold. I've been suffering for a week, and it's been driving me crazy. So, hopefully I'll feel a little better.

And, the other great news ... I have a planned c-section scheduled for the end of March. I'm still keeping the scheduled section, but my ob has decided that thanks to the fact that I'm still healthy, active and not in pain (we were worried about my tailbone) it's an elective c-section. So, if I go into labour early, fingers crossed, I can probably have a "natural" childbirth. Part of me still really wants to go through with the section. But, the knowledge that I have options is great.

And ... on a completely separate note. I've been reading a blog that I LOVE. If you have time, check her out. (she's really nice in person too)

Moments

Last night I couldn't sleep, so I went downstairs and Phat Daddy was playing Xbox 360. We have totally opposite sleep schedules, and he often does this while I'm sleeping.
I laughed because he was all set up for his evening of gaming. He had his controller in hand and his headset on so that he could talk to his fellow gamers. He asked why I was downstairs, and when I told him I couldn't sleep he made room on the couch, got me a pillow and blanket and turned on my music so that he could play a game while I snuggled on the couch.
I slowly drifted to sleep while thinking what an incredibly bizarre picture we must make. Not only that, but I thought about how odd it was that until that point it all seemed so incredibly normal to me.
Whatever works, right?!

----

This morning when Doodle woke up he was particularly chatty while sitting on the toilet. We talked about all sorts of stuff from Peter Pan to his favourite daycare teacher to cats to the weather.
When he finally finished we decided it was time for him to get dressed (he insists on pooping naked). So, I asked him if he wanted to choose out his clothes for the day. I've probably asked him this a hundred times before, but today he totally went for it. And, his outfit matched which was good.
Part of this process was that he threw a ton of clothes out of his dresser on to the floor. I told him that was okay, but that he had to put stuff back. I was distracted for a moment and when I looked back he was folding every single piece of clothing to go back in the drawer. His folding skills would make a gap employee jealous!
Since he doens't generally see me folding clothes, and he NEVER seens Phat Daddy folding clothes, I asked him where he learned to do this.
It turns out that every day at daycare after naptime they fold their blankets, I think before they can play with their toys. It was very impressive.
So, grabbing the opportunity I told him he could fold all his clothes if he wants.
He looked at me like I was crazy and said "Mommy. I'm just one person and I'm not even four!"
Too cute!

Sick and Tired

Ugh.
I'm sick and tired and need a break.
I think there comes a time in every pregnancy when you realize you're done. And that, for me, has been this week.
I have 5 weeks to go as of today. That seems like forever. Three of those weeks are work. And ughhh. Work is dragging. And I'm sick.
I came down with this stupid cold that makes me feel like crap. I'm tired and I can't stop sneezing and coughing. And whenever I cough my stomach hurts. And it seems like all the constant sneezing and coughing keeps the baby wide awake and kicking. Ouch!
Normally I'd say TGIF, but because we have some ongoing projects I'm going to end up going to work on the weekend. Ick.
I know - whine whine whine.
It's all I can muster.
I've told Phat Daddy we need a vacation, so next weekend we're going to Buffalo for a couple of days. I know it's not exactly an exotic vacation, but there are some baby things I want to buy that are cheaper there than here. I like the idea of staying in a hotel, and I know Doodle will love swimming.
And, I'll have the opportunity to don my stunningly HOT royal blue maternity bathing suit a few last times before I give birth.
But most importantly we will be able to eat at Cheesecake Factory. I'm already thinking ahead to all the eating options available to me.
I did a little research on the Buffalo area. Did you know there is a Kazoo Museum and a Toy Museum? Fascinating.
But, I still have to get through next week at work which I'm sure will be interesting to say the least. This would be so much better with more sleep and a body that is not producing excess amounts of mucus!
But, Phat Daddy is helping me get through it all. While I've been going to bed exceedingly early, he's been putting Doodle to bed and doing dishes before heading back to work to put in extra hours. I'm not quite sure how he's keeping it together either.
I know from experience that you get more tired when a new baby comes, but I sort of feel right now that I'm not sure quite how much more tired we can all get.

Jeans

So amid our weekend excitement of painting and decorating we did something else I've been wanting to do for awhile. I took Phat Daddy shopping.
If there's one thing that drives me insane about Phat Daddy (and admittedly also what drew me to him in the first place) is that he's not image obsessed. When we first met I was dating someone who was pretty much in love with his appearance. He spent a ton of money on cologne and name brand clothing and went to a high-end salon to get his hair done. He was higher maintenance than I would ever think to be.
And Phat Daddy was his friend. First of all, Phat Daddy is good looking even when he needs a haircut and if he's wearing jeans from Walmart. But I'll never forget looking at one guy who was so coiffed and growing increasingly unattractive and then seeing Phat Daddy who was relaxed and stunning and couldn't define the word "product" (as it relates to hair) if you paid him to..
But, as much as I loved him for that laid back attitude, as the years have progressed I have tried to introduce him to certain things.
First it was regular haircuts (still an ongoing argument) and hair gel. Then it was the introduction of a nicer dress shirt. I've since bought him a few suits.
But the one impasse we were still at - JEANS.
For the life of him he cannot understand why I fuss over jeans.
I have a problem spending $250 on jeans for myself. But, I do believe it's worth it to spend a little extra money to get a nicer pair of jeans that actually fits.
I'm sorry. But, sometimes Old Navy does not fit the bill.
Phat Daddy is tall. And he has a larger build. And Old Navy jeans never fit right. But they are cheap. And, for some weird reason his size is ALWAYS on the sales rack. Seriously. He can often find jeans for $10.
But, since the last pair he bought was giving him plumber's butt and made him look like he had no ass. It was not a good look.
So, I suggested jean shopping. At a store for men his size. A big and tall store. At 6'3 he's tall. He fits the bill.
I'm happy to report that Phat Daddy got himself an attractive pair of jeans. And a belt to keep those jeans up. He discovered the joy of low rise. He was not impressed when the sales guy and I teamed up and made him try on MANY pairs of jeans, and when we both made him turn around and show us how his butt looks in every.single.pair.
The result?
The Buffalo low-rise jean. There were 2 pairs we liked. He agreed to purchase one pair.
Thank goodness I have my attractive husband back with no more plumber's butt.
As for his hair ... he has until the week before the baby comes because I want him looking good in all our pictures.
I know - I'm hard to live with.

Ready for a Princess

What did we do for Family Day? We got ready to welcome our baby by decorating both the nursery and the hallway.
On Saturday, while Phat Daddy painted the nursery, which included having his dad out last weekend to hang wainscotting, I decided to tackle the hallways. I realized that I will likely be spending a fair bit of time in my bedroom when the baby first arrives, and the horrible 1980's hospital green was going to do me in.
So, our hallway is now, the colour of vanilla ice cream, as my mom so accurately described it.
These are halls before, and after, thanks to the help of my parents.
Both of my parents (Mom above and Dad below) and my sister enjoy painting. I hate it. In fact, after I did the primer and started the 1st coat my family decided that I would be much better suited to making coffee and minding the child. I agree. The finished colour is the one below - it looks white, but it's more cream.
Of course, the other really important thing htis weekend was finishing the nursery. When we moved here it was a very pale pink. The colour wasn't bad, but considering it was smelly and smoky and dirty we really needed to start from scratch.
As you can see, the blinds were also not doing so well.
So...
Phat Daddy did the painting and my sister did all of the linens. This afternoon was pretty cool because while I stayed downstairs with the kids, my sister and Phat Daddy worked incredibly hard to make this nursery into the princess nursery I knew I wanted since I heard I was having a baby girl. (sorry, but by the time the room was done it was dark).

We still have to do a few things like get a diaper genie and set up the change table, but the main part is done. My sister sewed all of the stuff: the curtains, the canopy on the crib, the bumpers and the quilt and painted the picture over the dresser.
This is the crib - with the beautiful quilt. I'll take more pictures. Do you like the crown pillow? Our theme is princess. And, don't worry. I know that you have to be careful with bumpers and pillows - this is for effect.
I think I'm in love with the canopy over the crib. I keep looking at it and smiling.
And, finally the dresser. My sister painted the picture. I just love it. I've started the little shoe collection - it's never too early! And, we even have the baby's picture. It's one from the 3D ultrasound.

As for the rest of the weekend ...
While Phat Daddy did some manual labour on the room this morning, I gave Doodle's room a good cleaning. I did a lot of sorting. We're not ready to re-do his room, but I figured he also deserved a nice room.
I'm tired!

It's Not Like I Was Expecting Roses ...

But I sure was NOT expecting that on Valentine's Day, as I sat working away that I would get a phonecall telling me that a cake had arrived.
And, it wasn't just any old cake.
It was a GIANT blue 500 slice cake that we had ordered then cancelled. Somehow the message didn't get through to the baker, so on Thursday morning a ginormous cake arrived at my office.
Let me back up a bit.
One of my main job responsibilities right now is that I'm one of the webmasters for our corporate intranet that has not yet launched. I've been assisting in the design, implementation and soon launch of the site.
Due to some technical issues we have had to push our launch date several times. We had initially planned a party for staff and ordered a cake. However, after moving the date several times we decided to cancel the party ... and the cake.
But the cake came.
Why yes. That is me. With a cake as large as me. No. that is not my office. The cake didn't fit through my office door.
We had a lot of debate over what to do with this cake.
What started as a very serious discussion turned into hilarity as we discussed every single option of what to do with this cake. A food fight was out of the question as was returning it. I tried to offer it up to my friend who is getting married in June (she could freeze it) but sadly her wedding colour is not blue.
So, I suggested that we just say Surprise! and tell staff this was a Valentine's Day surprise from our department.
And then we got the digital camera and took pictures of all of us with the cake. Because it was pretty funny.
So, I spent a lovely afternoon laughing with friends, cutting cake, and laughing as everyone at blue cake and their teeth turned blue.
I'm sure when the invoice comes in we'll have some explaining to do, but until then ... Let them eat cake!
After all, Stressed spelled backwards is DESSERTS, and what else are you going to do with a giant cake.

PS if anyone wants blue cake, we have LOADS leftover.

The New Behaviour Plan

As I mentioned the other day, Phat Daddy and I were just a little fed up by Doodle's behaviour. Between lack of sleep and a horrible new attitude we were both ready to explode.
So, instead of arguing about it, we actually came up with a game plan to conquer the bratty behaviour. And we explained this plan to Doodle who seems to like it.
As we saw it there are 3 major issues.

1) Way too much tv.
2) Not enough sleep
3) A bad attitude (or in his words, not being "a nice boy")

The more we thought about it, the more they all seemed to tie in together. Of course if you are tired you become cranky, and then you take it out on the people you are most comfortable with - your parents and friends. A huge contributing factor was the tv he is watching. His inactivity while watching tv is keeping him from burning off his energy and then he can't sleep. But, he still needs to get up in the morning.

What we realized is that because we were all tired and busy and I've been more and more lethargic we've started a pretty bad routine of all chilling by the tv. Okay for a day off. Not okay for everyday.

So, we set television boundaries for Doodle. His favourite show right now is Handy Manny (Playhouse Disney). It is on from 6:30-7. So, assuming we are home at that time that is Doodle's show. He may get to watch more tv before, we may watch the news, whatever, but he gets to watch Handy Manny on the condition that instead of a temper tantrum when the tv goes off HE is responsible for turning the tv off.

But, instead of going to bed, which he sees as punishment, we have "fun time". And, in the half hour before he's getting ready for bed he chooses something fun to do with Mommy or Daddy. This can be anything from playing toys in the basement with us to having a bath to last night's activity of painting valentine's cards (and Mommy) with glitter glue. The benefit of this - it forces us to be more involved and hands-on, something that I've been sucking at lately, and it also seems to burn a lot of excess energy.

The amazing thing is, this seems to be working. Last night, for instance, after fun time was over (and really, half an hour is his attention span) we were brushing teeth when he spotted his (kids') shaving cream and razor. He immediately wanted to play shaving. I told him that no, he could do that for fun time the next day, but he had already had his fun time. There were a few tears, not a complete meltdown, and when Phat Daddy said that tonight's fun time would be the two of them shaving together, Doodle was excited. A few days ago this would have been an hour long meltdown and I would have finally given in. Now we both have an out.

Amazingly, after that we read one book, and bedtime was easy. I've gotta say that when you put your child down happy bedtime is happy.

We've told him that if he's a nice boy all week that we will do something special on the weekend. His teachers are also involved. They have been reminding him to be nice to his friends, and apparently with just gentle reminders he's been having great afternoons and okay mornings. He knows that we are going to be asking, and that being mean and grouchy with his friends is not okay.

So, it's a start. I know it takes awhile to get into a routine. And, I figure that just as I get into this routine the baby will come and that will all be changed. But, a few weeks of peace. I'll take it. And, I love that I'm getting my sweet little Doodle back!

Counting the Days

I'm not going to whine about the weather and the GO train yet again. But, again, today it was cold and 2 trains got cancelled and I was in an unfortunate crowd of people waiting for the train.
Usually people see my ginormous stomach (and yes, this is an accurate description by now) and feel sorry for me. If I don't get a seat someone takes pity on me and offers me one. But NOOOOOOO!
Not today.
Today everyone was cranky and no one wanted to give up a seat.
I'm not one to make a fuss about this.
Really. It was rude that people were staring then looking away. But, I was not about to shout "Hello! Pregnant woman wants a seat." I was fine.
After a couple of stops I was leaning on a seat and a woman asked me to move so she could hold on. I did. And then she looked at me horrified that she'd just asked me because she didn't realize. I was totally okay with it, but she was not.
And she then took it upon herself to find me a seat.
I know her motivation was right. But, I wanted to die as she made an announcement that there was a pregnant woman on board and no one was giving her a seat.
I cringed.
Then, she picked one man from the crowd (who happened to be listening to music, minding his own business and had his back to me) and said "sir, you are an able bodied young man. Can you kindly give your seat to this woman who is with child."
The poor guy.
He looked at me and apologized profusely and said he hadn't seen me.
I, of course, said it was alright that there was no way he could have seen me. And then I started to crack up because it was so ridiculous. And so did he because the woman was about ready to preach to the whole train. And then he hilariously asked if I would like him to hold my coat so I don't overheat or anything.
At that moment I was incredibly grateful she had picked on a kind person.
The ride was fine. Of course the rest of the ride she asked me many questions about pregnancy, etc.
The funny thing is, as I'm in the last few weeks (6 to be exact) people talk to me a LOT. It's like they want to share in the joy and the excitement. I don't mind it. People at work who I don't really know are excited for me. People I see on the train who I don't really talk to have started asking questions.
And, strangers come out of the woodwork just to tell me their experiences.
And, don't get me started on how my ob's waiting room has become the most fascinating place to chat with other women.
I'm counting down the days. And I'm getting uncomfortable. But, sometimes it's kind of fun.

The Post Where I Admit Parenting is Killing Me

So, maybe it's cause Doodle is hitting 4.
Maybe it's cause the weather sucks and we're all cranky.
Maybe it's a response to my crazy hormones and moods.
And maybe it's a lack of sleep.
But, my child is driving me completely and utterly insane. I'm not alone. Phat Daddy is close to losing it too.
Yesterday we called my parents in frustration and took Doodle there for the evening. We just could not take it anymore. On the one hand, Doodle is the most adorable, loving child you will meet. He's sweet. He's funny and he loves to cuddle.
On the flip side he can be stubborn, hysterical and downright mean and bratty. And, I can't honestly tell you from one minute to the next what part of his personality we are going to see. We are trying to be patient. We are trying to discipline. Most of all we are trying not to scream at him. But, it's a struggle.
If he doesn't get his way he screams. And, he will scream about anything from the fact that he's not allowed to watch his favourite television station to the fact that the wrong parent is helping him with his shoes. And, God forbid someone other than Mommy do anything if Mommy is in the house.
Mommy has to do bath time. Mommy has to read stories. Mommy has to fix his shoes. Mommy mommy mommy. When Phat Daddy tries to do something like make him toast he just sits and cries. And then he says "I don't like you Daddy."
And as much as I'm frustrated it also breaks my heart. I hate that he's so mean to his father and I hate that he's so upset all the time.
So, we've started getting tough. Last night we had a long talk with Doodle about being nice. We explained to him that when he screams and shouts and says hurtful things it's mean. And, we want him to be a nice boy.
And then he cried for about 10 minutes because we don't think he's a nice boy.
Oops.
Cause the thing is, he is nice. But his attitude sucks.
And, we couldn't really back down and say "well, you're nice but ..."
So, we talked it out a little more. And then today he tried at first, and then started screaming again. Tonight we're working on an early bedtime and a better routine. I don't really think he needs a bath every night, but baths seem to calm him down a bit, so we're going to try adding that to our daily routine.
And, my mom's naturopath has suggested fish oil. So, I'm going to find out from her what kind of fish oil is best. Whatever works.
I'm open to any and all suggestions (and babysitting offers too! kidding)

What were you doing at 11:00 am Sunday?

Want to know what I was up to a mere 15 minutes ago?
Sleeping.
Seriously. I just woke up!
I know to some people it's pretty much unheard of to be awake before noon on a Sunday. But not me. I am up really early.
Okay, so I'll be honest. I was awake at 6. And I did get up and watch some tv, Doodle woke up and we discussed making cookies. And, then at just after 8 I went upstairs to get dressed to go to the grocery store. And the bed called my name. (Doodle was occupied watching Playhouse Disney - this puts him in a catatonic state until we make him move - he was fine).
I didn't anticipate sleep. I just thought I'd rest for a minute.
At some point Phat Daddy got up to check on Doodle.
and I slept. and slept. and slept.
And then rolled over to see the clock said 11am.
ahhhhhh .... sleep.
Phat Daddy is now going to the grocery store for the cookie ingredients while I debate getting dressed. In a little while we will make cookies. And then I may just go back to bed.

Today is a New Day

Okay ...
So yesterday did suck.
But, it also got better!
Once I made it to work things were okay. The meeting I was worried about went very well. One of my colleagues had some birthday cake, and she got me a piece. And, really, cake does make like a whole LOT better!
I left early, took the train home with a friend, and by the time she got off the train she had me laughing so hard I was crying. And, I think that a mark of good friends are people who can take a crap day and make it better for you.
Together Phat Daddy and I picked up Doodle from daycare. And we went to Swiss Chalet as a family. We had the best time. Sometimes Doodle is not the best behaved child in a restaurant, but thanks to their treasure chest and the fact that the manager gave Doodle a bunch of gummi worms when we walked in, dinner was actually really fun.
The toy he picked from the treasure chest was the card game "Snap!" The last time I remember playing that was at my grandparents' kitchen table when I was about 8. I'm not sure the last time Phat Daddy played, but we decided to pull it out for Doodle and demonstrate while he was eating his ice cream.
Of course I won. (hee hee - despite Phat Daddy cheating!) Doodle soon joined us, and there we were sitting at Swiss Chalet, playing a family game of Snap!
It was one of those moments that to me was perfect. It didn't last for hours, and it didn't make everything right in the world, but it was fun.
And then we went home. And instead of picking up toys or cleaning or reading the mail, we changed into pyjamas, crawled into my bed, and Doodle and I watched Playhouse Disney. And we cuddled. I eventually told him that I was sad today because he told me he hated me. Want to know what he said?
He told me that he was sorry. And he loved me and that "I'm very glad I growed in your tummy, mommy." It melted my heart. And made me giggle. And I realized that, like my sister and friends had told me earlier in the day, he doesn't get the concept of hate. It was just a rough morning.
And today? Today was better. There was a lot less fighting in the morning, and Doodle told me he was trying hard to be nice to me this morning. I'll take it!

I should have stayed in bed

It's one of those days.
You know.
The ones you look out the window and wish you could curl up in bed and forget the world for a bit, wake up when you're good and ready, watch crap tv all day and relax.
Ha.
Instead I decided to schlep into work.
I had good reason. I get paid to work. I'm not a wuss. I have an important meeting today.
But, man. Could getting here have been any worse?
I had a cranky husband and cranky child who made getting out of the house hard (despite the fact that I bribed my child with skittles.) When I asked him to put his hat on he told me he hates me. OUCH. I know he doesn't. I know this is a stage. But, seriously, that does not make a difference when he says it.
I bit my tongue, took a moment, and then said "well I love you very much."
His boots were in the car. I can't carry him. So his feet were cold and wet.
He sobbed all the way to the train station.
And then my train as well as the 2 before it and one after it were cancelled.
I got in the car and burst into tears.
We dropped Doodle off at daycare and got coffee.
We went back to the station. I tried to suck it up and hop on the next train. Which was delayed. By this time I needed to pee.
I went to the train station bathroom. It was out of order.
Back to the car.
Back to Starbucks.
Then back we went to the station. Where the next train was delayed.
By this time Mike was ready to kill me. I was upset. And crying. And trying to explain why I was having a complete meltdown.
I finally made it into work. Only 2 hours late.
I think the fact that my eyes were red and the bags under them more pronounced than usual led a lot of people to steer clear.
The bad news is that I have to do this all over again to get home.
Oh man.
I freaking HATE winter.

All In a Name

So I'm pretty sure I said we had decided on the name for our baby.
I lied.
It's changed several times. As hard as it was for us to name Doodle - once we had a name it stuck because there weren't tons of boys names we liked. Girls name are a different story. We agree on something then it changes.
Then I get hysterical.
And we go back to the drawing board.
So today I did a little research on Dutch girls names since Phat Daddy is Dutch. I love his grandmother, but neither of us loves her name. We thought we may get some inspiration from name lists.
Not so much.
Below - the e-mail exchange we had over one particular name.

----- Original Message -----

From: Me

To: Phat Daddy

Sent: Tuesday, February 05, 2008 2:32 PM

Subject: How about ...

Megendrod

From: Phat Daddy

To: Me

Sent: Tuesday, February 05, 2008 2:32 PM

Subject: Re: How about ...

hey don't make fun of my great oma's name..

just kidding.


Ha ha ha!

Any ideas? Feel free to send them my way.

Stress, Popcorn, whatever ...

As part of my ongoing pregnancy I meet with a social worker fairly regularly to discuss all the aspects of being a working mom of one with one on the way having suffered from post-partum depression.
I don't mind it.
Sometimes I like it. Sometimes I hate it. Sometimes we laugh. Sometimes I cry.
Today we had a very serious discussion about my mental health. In particular about the fact that perhaps I was a little over stressed.
Perhaps.
It had been a very long weekend. My child has discovered the art of manipulation. The basics: if you're bad tell Mommy you love her to get out of punishment and if you want to get your way tell Mommy she is hurting your feelings and SOB till the problem is solved.
Combine this with the fact that Friday was a snowday, I came in feeling rather overwhelmed by a couple of work projects. Throw in the fact that NONE OF MY CLOTHES FIT, I'm having a bad hair day, and I have a rather large zit on my chin.
Yep. By the time I met with her I was more than a little frazzled.
If you're going to meet with a mental health professional, being in that state is actually not a bad thing. And, man did I talk. About everything.
She initially suggested that perhaps I consider taking a short stress leave or maybe cutting back to part-time hours. I don't really think that is realistic. I would just go insane trying to get everything in order at our house. And, I can find projects. In fact, I think it's quite likely that I'd make myself more stressed. Then I'd resort to eating chocolate and watching tv - bad in that I would gain more weight than I want to and I would have no repeats to watch when I am on mat leave.
Since we ruled that out I had to tell her what would make the situation better. I literally had no ideas. I was at a loss for words. That never happens. There were some ideas I had. Like hire someone to clean (Phat Daddy doesn't like that idea). Okay. That was basically it. I promised to take lunch every day and actually leave my desk. (Lettuce Eatery anyone?). And, I promised to not feel so guilty when my child manipulates me.
Oh, and I think I agreed to taking some time for manicures/pedicures and other self-focused (hee hee - not selfish) activities so I'm less stressed.
And how does this relate to popcorn?
well when we picked Doodle up from daycare he was grumpy. Beyond grumpy. And, I asked him what on earth we could do to make his life a little better tonight.
His answer? Popcorn with sprinkle cheese.
So, instead of worrying about making a nutritionally balanced dinner we spent lots of time making air popped popcorn (with butter and sprinkle cheese), got ourselves some rootbeer and then we sat and watched tv and ate our "dinner".
I'll never be a perfect mother, but these are the moments we'll remember.

Changes in Our House

Over the last few months we've been making some pretty progressive changes. The ultimate goal: to have a happier and healthier household without shaking things up too too much.

Step 1 - be a little more organic

This is a small step, but an important one.
Awhile ago when I was cleaning the bathroom I was using our regular Mr. Clean which is a good cleaner. The problem was I could not stop sneezing. And, after I used it I felt crappy.
I assumed it was my allergies.
The next week I was at the store and picked up the Life Brand organic cleaning stuff. I didn't realize it was organic. I thought it was just cheap Mr. Clean. When I was scrubbing down the bathroom I realized I wasn't sneezing.
We've since switched to these non-toxic healthier cleaners. My cleaning headaches are gone. Doodle has been helping us clean, and as much as I prefer him just using a wet sponge, if he gets some of these cleaners on his hands not as big a deal.
The method wipes (yum pink grapefruit) are what Doodle uses to "wipe his pee".

Step 2 - Eat a Little Healthier

Let's face it - our family will never be vegetarian. But, we are eating a lot healthier these days.
We're trying to replace a lot of our meat based meals with vegetarian options.
Doodle would rather a dinner of fruit and yogurt to meat and potatoes any day. And we're following his lead. We've all discovered the fun in going to the grocery store and finding fresh ingredient to throw into a salad. I had no idea that Doodle would get so excited by choosing which carrots go into his salad.
Sometimes it costs a little bit more to buy fruit that's out of season, but I firmly believe that a $3 bag of grapes is way healthier than a $3 bag of candy, and a habit that I want to encourage. When barbeque season is in full swing, I've discovered that I prefer either Licks Nature Burgers or the Chris and Tal's half-soy burgers to regular burgers. If you haven't tried them it's worth it. I think they're really good.

Step 3 - get a little more organized

we have a ways to go here. Seriously. I would love it if we were more organized. But, we're getting organized one step at a time. I've finally gotten my closet under control thanks to lots of different baskets and shelves. We put a huge shelf organizing thing in our living/dining room and Phat Daddy has organized our bills and important documents.
Organizing doesn't come easily to either Phat Daddy or I. But, we're learning that if we come up with systems that we can work with we actually work with it. I'm a nicer person when I have some organization. So, we're trying to go with that. Even though we have to get started on the baby's room, I'm going to try to get stuff sorted from the beginning. I'm recruiting my sister's help so that hopefully I'll figure out where I'm putting socks, soothers and other assorted baby stuff. Say a prayer for her - she'll need it!

Step 4 - get a cordless phone

What's that, you say? It's 2008 and you don't have a cordless phone. That's right.
Well, not anymore.
We were using the stupid internet phone line and we had one phone for our entire house. This worked okay when we lived in a condo - you know ONE FLOOR. This did not work out so well in a 3 bedroom house with THREE FLOORS.
I was losing my mind. And, when Phat Daddy goes to work in the evening I have to bring my blackberry to bed in case of emergency. Problem 1) my bberry is password protected and when I'm half asleep I can't figure out the password. Problem 2) It has a flashing green light that wakes me up. Problem 3) I wake up when people from work e-mail me at 10 pm and I'm at risk of replying to an e-mail and making no sense whatsoever (not a new concept I guess). Last night I was cranky and sent Phat Daddy a bitchy e-mail from bed. Today we went out and bought ourselves new cordless phones. I think we have a set of 3. I'm not allowed to use them for several more hours as they are charging. I have a phone by my bed. Excellent.

Small steps but all in all a good start to the new year.

Blinds to Go ... Literally!

Last night I was cuddled nicely up in bed. I was half-asleep in that state where you're kind of awake, but not really.
Just as I was drifiting off our bedroom blind flew off the window and landed on the floor.
CRASH.
It scared me half to death.
Thank goodness Phat Daddy was home.
I screamed his name. No response. I screamed it again. No response.
So I got out of bed, stomped over to our bedroom door en route to get Phat Daddy. As I swung the door open there he was. Standing in the doorway. About to open the door.
I was not expecting that and he scared me half to death.
I did the only rational thing in my half-asleep state I screamed and slammed the door in his face.
I'm seriously jumpy these days.
Once I realized it was my beloved husband behind the door (not the boogeyman who knocked the blind down) we both started laughing.
He fixed the blind.
I went back to bed.
Heart attack over.

Bad Mommy

I feel like a horrible mommy today.
Last night Phat Daddy went back to work at 7:30 and I put Matt and I to bed.
We read stories. We cuddled and I let him sleep in my bed.
For some reason, lately I've hated being home alone at night. In the past it's never really bothered me if Phat Daddy goes out and I go to bed. (whether he's meeting friends or going to work). But, in the last little while it's made me really really nervous. It's not that I'm afraid of going into labour or anything. I just keep freaking out. I'm hearing weird noises. I am convinced someone is breaking into my house.
WHAT IS WITH THAT????
A few nights ago I made Phat Daddy come home because I was terrified.
Last night was worse. Doodle kept waking up and going to sleep. I kept waking up and going to sleep. I was cranky. I was uncomfortable. And I was tired. And for some reason Doodle woke up and started jumping on the bed.
I sat up and shouted at him.
I didn't mean to. And, honestly, if he hadn't landed on my arm my response wouldn't have been so intense. And then I called Phat Daddy to come home.
Poor Doodle felt so bad that he started sobbing. I felt horrible. I still feel horrible. I never yell like that. And he was tired. So was I. But it's not excuse.
The only way I could calm him down was hugging him and saying "I love you. I'm sorry" over and over.
He finally calmed down and Phat Daddy came home. Doodle thought he was in trouble and started crying again. It broke my heart. Phat Daddy calmed him down and we both fell asleep.
Ugh.
Bad mommy.
Luckily today is a snow day. Doodle's day care is closing (or is closed - who knows). Part of me is just glad to keep him home so I can snuggle and make up for last night.