Friday, February 1, 2008

Bad Mommy

I feel like a horrible mommy today.
Last night Phat Daddy went back to work at 7:30 and I put Matt and I to bed.
We read stories. We cuddled and I let him sleep in my bed.
For some reason, lately I've hated being home alone at night. In the past it's never really bothered me if Phat Daddy goes out and I go to bed. (whether he's meeting friends or going to work). But, in the last little while it's made me really really nervous. It's not that I'm afraid of going into labour or anything. I just keep freaking out. I'm hearing weird noises. I am convinced someone is breaking into my house.
A few nights ago I made Phat Daddy come home because I was terrified.
Last night was worse. Doodle kept waking up and going to sleep. I kept waking up and going to sleep. I was cranky. I was uncomfortable. And I was tired. And for some reason Doodle woke up and started jumping on the bed.
I sat up and shouted at him.
I didn't mean to. And, honestly, if he hadn't landed on my arm my response wouldn't have been so intense. And then I called Phat Daddy to come home.
Poor Doodle felt so bad that he started sobbing. I felt horrible. I still feel horrible. I never yell like that. And he was tired. So was I. But it's not excuse.
The only way I could calm him down was hugging him and saying "I love you. I'm sorry" over and over.
He finally calmed down and Phat Daddy came home. Doodle thought he was in trouble and started crying again. It broke my heart. Phat Daddy calmed him down and we both fell asleep.
Bad mommy.
Luckily today is a snow day. Doodle's day care is closing (or is closed - who knows). Part of me is just glad to keep him home so I can snuggle and make up for last night.


SciFi Dad said...

You're not a bad mommy; you had a rough night and responded quickly. It happens, and in the end he won't even remember it (if he even does later this morning).

And? I'm jealous. I tried to rebook my meeting for today due to the weather (some invitees are coming from the far north GTA) but no one would listen. I swear that if they cancel it now that I'm at the office someone's head will roll!

Badness Jones said...

YOu are SO not a bad mommy. I'm not advocating yelling at our kids all the time, but I think they need to learn that we are not perfect, and that anger does not equal a lack of fact sometimes it's just the opposite.

I know I didn't sleep at all well when I was pregnant, and the hormones turned me into a worry-wart....sometimes they turned me into a raving lunatic. Go easy on yourself. You're a great mom. I don't think there's a mommy-blog out there that doesn't have an 'I'm a bad mom' post!

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

Aw, sweetie, we have all been there, and done exactly that. He was over it moments later, even if you are still feeling bad. Give yourself a break and know how much he loves you and knows he is loved.