Saturday, January 12, 2008

Dear Husband

Dear Beloved Husband,

It is Saturday morning.
I have been up for more than 2 hours now.
Your son has been up for more than an hour. And as usual, you are asleep.
I estimate you'll be sleeping for another hour, as you tend to do.
Since I've been up I've started our week's laundry, sorted the stuff that was left in the dryer, done all of the dishes, started the dishwasher and cleaned the bathroom.
I'm not sure how you are sleeping through all of this noise. But you seem to be able to.
When you wake up you will stumble grumpily downstairs, pour the coffee that is already made for you, and and complain to me that you didn't have a great sleep.
I get that.
I was awake about 8 times last night.
Not that you'll ask. You never do.
The thing is, I'm pretty sick of the way our weekends work.
I clean. I grocery shop. I wake up with Doodle and make sure he has breakfast and uses the potty. I feed the cats. I make whatever plans we have for the weekend. And, I generally ask you to do some task around the house for which you roll your eyes, mumble and may or may not accomplish.
The thing is, I'm tired of arguing about this.
Remember the last 17 times I asked you to clean the bathroom? I'm still waiting.
You know the half finished bedroom wall? Still waiting.
The half painted kitchen that you promised to finish? Still waiting.
You know the nursery that has to be emptied out, cleaned and painted? I've recruited help for that one because you don't seem interested.
This is getting ridiculous.
I would love to wake up on Saturday morning and find a clean house. Just like you do.
I would love to go to the basement and see there's no laundry to do.
I'd love to go to the washroom and not see a dirty toilet.
And barring all of that, I would love it if just one Saturday morning you set your alarm for a decent hour (how about 8?) and got up and took us out for breakfast. There's a bakery nearby. That would be a start.
But as of now, I quit.
I'm not your servant.
I didn't sign up to be Molly Maid. If I enjoyed scrubbing toilets, doing dishes and vaccuuming I would find myself a second job and get paid to do this stuff.
But, really, I hate it.
And, I'm pregnant. Crawling around the toilet cleaning Doodle's pee stains hurts. Today when I was trying to clean I was crying because it all just sucks. All of it.
But you wouldn't know. Because you were sound asleep.
I've given you lists. I've begged and I've pleaded. I've left things until I couldn't stand the filth. But, now I quit. If you don't want to help me I'm hiring help. Sure it's expensive and it's not really in the budget. But I'm sure there are expenses that we can cut. I'm sure we could cover at least a few week's worth of cleaning bills by selling our large screen tv and the XBox. After that, well, I'll get creative.
But these weekend mornings. Enough. We're supposed to be in this marriage 50/50 and that includes the stuff we don't like as much as the stuff we like.

Your Wife


Kerry J. said...

Hear Hear!!! Good for you Laural! Paul and I split weekend morning duty. He does Sat. and I do Sun. Good luck (and if you need anything, just call).

Don Mills Diva said...

Yikes - I feel you on this one. I am estactic if my hubby rolls out of bed before 11 on weekends! (he is a night owl and spends half the night cleaning but still...!)

Multi-tasking Mommy said...

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way! That sucks.
I have a book you need to read. It's called The Lazy Husband. I'm not taking sides here, just saying it's a book I think you would get a lot out of.
And before anyone gets upset with me, I'm doing the book review for work. I think many women would benefit from reading it.
Hugs!!! And positive thoughts...

LoriD said...

Amen. Go on Kijiji and find someone to do a few hours a week. You can probably find someone for $15 an hour. Money well spent, I think!

sam said...

I hear everything you're saying. Hell, I'm almost on the verge of printing this post and putting on my fridge... the only thing stopping me is he probably won't see it anyway.

You're NOT alone. Not by a long shot.

Devilish Southern Belle said...

Miss Perfect.....I have sooooo been there with my first husband and pregnancy.....and now that I am married for the second time, I'm not pregnant but still....there with unequal household duties.

I have no advice, but can definitely commiserate. Hope things get better! I am sure your husband will be all too happy to help out if it means he gets to keep the xbox or whatever!

Steph said...

You are not alone my dear! If it's any consolation my sweetie is the same way but he'll still get up at a reasonable hour and still refuse to do/help/participate. We bought a cabinet in August and it has been sitting in its box in the middle of the bedrroom for 5 months now unopened and not put together.

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

wow, we had this conversation this weekend. He was pissed cuz I mentioned gently on my blog that I was feeling grumpy because of all the stuff that needed to be done that was not getting done.
I told him he was flippin lucky that I was so nice cuz I was completely fed up with the fact that he has been off work for a month and has not crossed one thing off of his list of stuff to do. years worth of started projects and renos that have gone no where.
I feel your pain. Hire someone, you are worth it and so is peace in your home.

Ali said...

oh yes...i could have written this. husbands can be total assholes, can't they?

citygirl said...

WOW - I could have wrote this ALMOST word for word.

I used to resent my husband and try to get him to help (with no luck). After a couple of years of having this scene EVERY weekend, I hired someone. She comes in every other Friday and she has saved my marriage. Sure, it's expensive but it solves the problem and makes me a much happier person!

J. said...

Came over from Sam's site.
Are we married to the same man???